Sunday mornings are always difficult for me. Satan really works hard to get me flustered, but this Sunday I had a plan, and it worked!
My kids woke me up extremely early yesterday morning. And for those of you who know me well, you know that I do NOT like being woken up. I was not a happy camper and I was extremely tired. The kids refused to do anything I asked of them. And they pounded me with demands, "I want this. I want that. Get me this ,mommy." I lost it! I had a complete meltdown before 7am. My poor husband panicked and almost walked out the door. He hates it when I get like this and he really doesn't know what to do. Now typically, this type of outburst would have ended with me laying in bed all day or benge eating.
Fortunately, I had a plan in place. I know to expect these kinds of Sunday mornings. They happen to us a lot. satan really wants me to go to church with the wrong attitude or to just not go at all. Many times, he has won this battle. But I was determined to win this Sunday. So about two weeks ago, on day when I was feeling really good, I created "The Karin Manual". I wrote it for my husband for times such as these. I gave it to him when we were both feeling good and could spend some time talking about it all. He liked it so much that he said I should share this on my blog. So here it is.
This little book is still a work in progress. I will most likely add to it and delete things as I grow older and as my life changes. But for now it is about three pages in length and on purple card stock.
It has a list of things that I need on a romantic level...
hugs, flowers, love notes, date night, kissing me in public, holding my hand, and breakfast in bed are just a few examples.
Things that are helpful for my husband to do around the house like dishes, vacuuming, picking up his things, car maintenance, and yard work.
And things he does that are really not so helpful like laundry, leaving chewing gum on the counter or working so hard on things around the house that he doesn't have the time or energy for me.
I've also included lists of things that my kids can do that make me smile like picking up after themselves, celebrating mommy by saying thank you or drawing a picture just for me or giving mommy a few minutes alone.
And finally, a list of what to do when I have a meltdown. Some of the things I put on this list are to just listen to me, hold me, stay with me no matter what I do, give me time, and pray for me.
So on Sunday morning my husband was about to leave. He just didn't know what to do and his way of handling it was to just leave me alone until I calmed down. I ran upstairs and grabbed the manual from his dresser. I flipped to the page about what to do when I cry and I begged him not to leave. He stopped and said, OK. He held me and listened to me and let me cry. In five minutes I was fine and we went about our morning. Because we had prepared, my husband knew exactly what to do to help me out of my pit. He prayed for me and loved me.
Now I know that there are many single moms reading this. You can still write a manual for yourself. It is good for us as women to know what we need. We can keep the manual for ourselves or we could give it to a close friend, family member or even your older children. Have something ready to use during a time of desparation. I encourage you to write a "manual" this week and keep it on hand for when you are feeling the enemy's attack. Be prepared.
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Karin, Your entry made me cry. Thanks for sharing. As you know my husband is not home many times. So I have taught my children when I begin to meltdown (instead of running and hiding)to come to me and say "mommy, what can I do to help?" because usually my melting comes from too much to do and no help from those around. They do this now consistently (even anticipating a meltdown at times) and it has become like a "code word"...and it helps me so much. It makes me realize they don't mean to do the things that drive me to a melt down (like be demanding) and they really don't know what it is they are supposed to be doing or what it is that needs to be done sometimes!! It has helped soooo much. If you haven't already you may want to add to your manual what your kids can do if daddy is not there and your melting. I think in the long run it will help my children be better spouses. Joey's "code word" when he sees me melting and doesn't know what he can do is "can I help you move some furniture?" This is because I like to move furniture...the process of cleaning and having a fresh look helps me ALOT when I am down. What he is saying to me is ..."I want you to feel better...how can I help" and when he says that it makes me smile. He has learned if he can make me SMILE when I am melting it kinda stops the melting process. Lots of love and hugs to you all! ...sorry for the long rambling comment...n
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