Blue lips

OK. So here we go. I am forcing myself to write today. I have been in a bit of a fog the past few weeks. I am positive that it is hormonal , as I am due to have another baby by September. We are very excited about this, but also a quite surprised. In four and a half years, I had forgotten how much my body HATES being pregnant. And if you are one of those mom's who love being pregnant, you can just go away right now. I'm not talking to you anymore! Just kidding. I will just envy you form afar. Maybe in a few weeks, things will be brighter.

We've had a lot going on at home right now, too. I am sure that I have mentioned before that we are a foster family. This experience has been a roller coaster of emotions. It has been most difficult at times when I cannot talk to anyone because of confidentiality. These past few weeks have been more difficult for me than usual. I think maybe it's hormones, but also just sheer exhaustion from the ride of emotions I've had these past 20 months that we have had our little girl. Some days are good, some days are bad.

Lately, we have been dealing with the same disciplinary issue, over and over again. Every day is the same thing. In the beginning the behavior was childish. She really didn't know any better. Now we find her sneaking, hiding and lying in order to not get caught. Now it's become foolishness. I get so frustrated and angry when day after day she continues to break the rules, knowingly.

Yesterday, after dinner, the kids got to pick a treat from the candy jar. She picked a small piece of taffy. My younger son chose a fun dip. For those of you who don't know, fun dip has a little candy stick that you lick and then dip into a packet of colored sugar. He didn't finish it and it was left on the counter. Later in the evening, my husband noticed that the fun dip pack was gone and little missy was acting suspiciously. He found her and asked if she had taken the fun dip. She denied it through blue teeth. He later found the packet hidden by the dryer in our basement. Now this wouldn't necessarily be a big deal, but it happens all the time! On a daily basis. I am tired of rebuking, correcting and punishing for the same behaviors day after day after day. It's exhausting..

Today I was reminded of how often I do the same thing. How many times have I knowingly sinned against my God? And then tried to hide it from him - as if He wouldn't know, as if He wouldn't see the blue stains on my lips. How many times has His rebuke fallen upon deaf ears? Over and over again God will continue to train me until I get it right. He may get frustrated, but he is always persistent. Why should I think my children will be any different from me? They are not perfect and I cannot expect them to be. I can only train them over and over again with the same loving care as my God has with me. He is so patient and compassionate with me, even in the midst of my sin. I want my children to see those same characteristics in me as I teach them His ways.