Memories

Having Flarp stuck in my hair is one Christmas memory I will never forget. But will my kids remember it?? Probably not.

I realize that I am one of very few people who can remember a great deal of their childhood. I actually have a memory of when I was still in my crib. I remember waking up from a nap, staring at my ceiling, and seeing the railing of my white crib. I remember standing up, holding onto the edge. I remember hearing dishes clanking together outside my room. I remember a large black spider crawling toward me. I remember being scared and screaming for someone to save me. I remember my older brother and sister coming into my room and pulling me out of my bed.

There are so many things I remember from my early childhood. Then I talk with friends who don't remember a thing before High School. It makes me wonder... what will my children remember??

There are moments in our days when I pray that they will remember. When we dance in our kitchen together, will they remember? When I tuck them in at night, rub their backs (like my daddy did), and pray for them, will they remember? Our family movie nights and game nights, will they remember? I pray that they forget the moments when I lose my temper or refuse to play a game because I am too busy folding laundry.

There are so many things I want my kids to remember. So, when they were born I began a journal for each child. During their first year or two, I wrote faithfully at least once a month. After that, my goal was to simply get in there at least once a year, on their birthday. But I often find myself jotting short entries in their books to remember something that they said or did that was too cute to forget.

Around Christmas time, I think a lot about the wonderful memories that I have. I want my kids to have some good ones, too.

Christmas Day Hair Flarping- A day to remember.

I wasn't sure if I should put this post on my family blog or mommy blog. Since I just put a post on the family blog, I guess it's time for me to talk about being a mom during this holiday.

As many moms out there, I have a vision as to what I think my Christmas day should look like... Excited children coming down the stairs to see the wonder of Christmas lights and presents under the tree. I dream of thankful children because they were given exactly what they wanted. A time of eating good food and maybe even an afternoon nap. But what I really envisioned this year was a day to spend with my family- playing games, opening presents, eating food, whatever! Just a day filled with joy, celebrating Jesus' birth.

It started out good. The kids were so excited Christmas morning. The oldest two rushed downstairs at the crack of dawn to open their stockings. I made them wait until my youngest was up before we could open the presents under the tree. By 8am, I thought the oldest two were going to explode, so I decided to wake up their brother. He had actually forgotten it was Christmas! How can a four year old forget it's Christmas?? But he did. When I reminded him what day it was, he rushed downstairs.

We opened presents. My husband and I spent the morning assembling racetracks, putting in batteries, and teaching the rules to new games. Then while the kids were playing, we opened our own gifts. It was a nice quiet morning at home.

Later in the morning, we went to my in-laws for breakfast. This is where all of the insanity began. One of the best gifts the kids got was this stuff called "flarp". It is just a small, plastic container of goo. When you stick your hand inside, it makes a farting noise. My kids loved it. They received many more gifts and lots and lots of sugary treats. They got so overstimulated from the excitement of it all, I didn't think we could ever bring them down. When we got back home, we Skyped my family in Atlanta and Germany and then sent everyone to take naps.

Naps didn't help. The kids woke up screaming, whining, pouting, demanding, and refusing to listen. They had become greedy little monsters amidst the rush of what is supposed to be a day of giving. We tried playing with them and their new toys. We played one game of Uno, trying to teach two four year olds the rules. (I was whipped by the end of that one!) We put together a new "Guess Who" game. (BTW, this is no easy task for those of you have never tried. The game is wonderful, but the set-up is rather difficult.) I showed the younger ones how to make smiley faces with their Light Brights and where they could carefully store the extra little pieces. It seemed everyone had calmed down a bit. Then my sister Skyped me.

As we tried to talk, each child ran in front of the camera to show their aunt a new toy. The excitement was beginning to build again. They not only showed her their new Christmas stuff, but they began bringing her just odd things like old, dirty mittens. At this point I told them all to go downstairs and play quietly for a few minutes. I just wanted to talk to my sister. Within minutes my oldest son comes upstairs and places something on my shoulder. As I reach back, I feel goop stuck in my hair. What was that? He is laughing. He had taken the "flarp" out of it's container and laid it on my shoulder as a joke, not realizing it was oozing into my hair. My sister laughed hysterically as I tried to pull this goo out of my hair. I was not amused. I sent the kids downstairs again and threw the flarp in the trash. My sister and I finished our conversation with orange goo in my hair. What could I do?? She insited that I should take a picture and post this on my blog. So here it is...

After our call was over, I pulled the rest of the flarp out, most of it anyways. Then I went to check on the kids. The basement was covered with all of their new Christmas toys, thrown throughout the room and pieces everywhere. The "Guess Who" game, which my husband and I had spent forever putting together, was in pieces. Every tiny, colored, Light Bright peg was thrown on the floor and stuck between couch cushions. The kids were laughing at the destruction of their new toys. And I had flarp in my hair!!!!

Now, it's Christmas and I want to give them a bit of a break. But this was too much for me to handle. After all of the fighting and whiny attitudes that I had heard today, I was at the end of my rope. I had the kids pick up all of their new toys and put them in a pile. We had a long discussion about being thankful for and taking care of the things we are given. So, yes, I took away my children's gifts on Christmas Day. Now, my husband was quick to point out that I was being a little harsh. But I had been leniant all day and this seemed to have created ungrateful, mean little children. Something drastic needed to be done.

Today my kids are more polite and thankful for everything. They are quickly earning back every toy through kindness and respect. Today is a new day and maybe they will remember this lesson next year. Maybe not. Either way, I am looking forward to today- a day of playing games and reading books and enjoying my beautiful children.

Uncertain Times

Well, it's been a while since I last wrote in here. It's that time of year for chaos and this year seems to be a little more chaotic than others. I just want to quickly share what God is doing in my life right now.

I am currently consumed with uncertainties. With our nation and economy where it is and by being a foster parent, uncertainty has become a way of life for me. Lately, it has become all consuming. I am not worried or upset. It's just all I think about or talk about.

It's funny how God speaks to us. I happen to be one of those people that God has to repeat himself over and over and over and over again before I get it. And the past couple of weeks, I keep hearing the same words over and over. I hear them in my pastor's message. I hear them in music. I hear them coming out of my friend's mouths. I see the words repeatedly in books I'm reading and especially in scripture.

"TRUST ME!"

So I am choosing to trust the one person who can actually do something about my uncertain life right now. I may not know what is going to happen, but I can rest assured that it will be something good. Romans 8:28

Happy Mom

I am emotionally drained. The past two weeks have been very difficult for our family. Most of my stress and exhaustion stem from foster care. Unfortunately I cannot go into detail, but I can say that I am beyond tired.

Usually when I am this drained, I really struggle with being a mom. But that has not been the case this time around. During the past two days I have had such blessed moments with each of my children.

My oldest son stayed up later than the younger ones last night. So he and I sat on the couch and read books and played a quick game of "Sorry!". We talked about school and some trouble he was having with some kids. This big seven year old boy stretched across my lap, gave me kisses and told me how much he loved me. He also made sure to remind me that I was not allowed to kiss him in front of his friends. It was a sweet moment and one that I desperately needed.

This morning, my husband made him a bowl of corn flakes for breakfast. My oldest began to ask his daddy for a banana, but changed his mind and asked me to cut up the banana onto his cereal. It was a time when I felt needed and wanted as a mom. No one can cut his bananas like his mommy. And I love it!

My youngest son is a character. He can be very difficult most days, but then he does something cute. Today was no exception. He woke up with a crinkled up nose and a mass of curly bed-head hair. He grunted and curled up in my lap. Then I asked him what day it was. He imediately grinned his huge dimpled grin. He was so excited it was Friday and his day for show-and-tell. He is the poster child for "TGIF".

And finally our foster daughter. She is as much of a challenge as my younger son, but on a different level. Yesterday I had a chance to spend some much needed one-on-one time with her. We talked and laughed, played memory and cuddled on the couch watching cartoons. It was beautiful!

God is an amazing God who knows exactly what I need and when I need it. Today is a day when I love being a mom. I wouldn't trade it for the world. These are the moments I want to remember on the tough days. I encourage you to write down your own sweet moments with your children. Keep them on hand to remember all of the wonderful things God does for us! He is so awesome!

Psalm 143:5

The Karin Manual

Sunday mornings are always difficult for me. Satan really works hard to get me flustered, but this Sunday I had a plan, and it worked!


My kids woke me up extremely early yesterday morning. And for those of you who know me well, you know that I do NOT like being woken up. I was not a happy camper and I was extremely tired. The kids refused to do anything I asked of them. And they pounded me with demands, "I want this. I want that. Get me this ,mommy." I lost it! I had a complete meltdown before 7am. My poor husband panicked and almost walked out the door. He hates it when I get like this and he really doesn't know what to do. Now typically, this type of outburst would have ended with me laying in bed all day or benge eating.


Fortunately, I had a plan in place. I know to expect these kinds of Sunday mornings. They happen to us a lot. satan really wants me to go to church with the wrong attitude or to just not go at all. Many times, he has won this battle. But I was determined to win this Sunday. So about two weeks ago, on day when I was feeling really good, I created "The Karin Manual". I wrote it for my husband for times such as these. I gave it to him when we were both feeling good and could spend some time talking about it all. He liked it so much that he said I should share this on my blog. So here it is.


This little book is still a work in progress. I will most likely add to it and delete things as I grow older and as my life changes. But for now it is about three pages in length and on purple card stock.


It has a list of things that I need on a romantic level...
hugs, flowers, love notes, date night, kissing me in public, holding my hand, and breakfast in bed are just a few examples.


Things that are helpful for my husband to do around the house like dishes, vacuuming, picking up his things, car maintenance, and yard work.

And things he does that are really not so helpful like laundry, leaving chewing gum on the counter or working so hard on things around the house that he doesn't have the time or energy for me.


I've also included lists of things that my kids can do that make me smile like picking up after themselves, celebrating mommy by saying thank you or drawing a picture just for me or giving mommy a few minutes alone.


And finally, a list of what to do when I have a meltdown. Some of the things I put on this list are to just listen to me, hold me, stay with me no matter what I do, give me time, and pray for me.


So on Sunday morning my husband was about to leave. He just didn't know what to do and his way of handling it was to just leave me alone until I calmed down. I ran upstairs and grabbed the manual from his dresser. I flipped to the page about what to do when I cry and I begged him not to leave. He stopped and said, OK. He held me and listened to me and let me cry. In five minutes I was fine and we went about our morning. Because we had prepared, my husband knew exactly what to do to help me out of my pit. He prayed for me and loved me.


Now I know that there are many single moms reading this. You can still write a manual for yourself. It is good for us as women to know what we need. We can keep the manual for ourselves or we could give it to a close friend, family member or even your older children. Have something ready to use during a time of desparation. I encourage you to write a "manual" this week and keep it on hand for when you are feeling the enemy's attack. Be prepared.

Seeking Help

We had a conference meeting for one of my children yesterday. I have been very discouraged at how school was going for this child. It was becoming a very negative experience and I was ready to make some drastic changes. I called some people within the program and voiced my concerns. They put together this meeting within a week. It was a simple round table discussion to get some ideas to make school more successful for my child. There were nine adults in the room coming together for one little girl. I was impressed, and I was very encouraged when I left.

Through this experience, I am reminded to ask for help. So often, as moms, we tend to think we need to be superwoman, that we can do it all ourselves. That is a lie. There are people out there to help us through the tough spots in life. God has created them to be there just for you, to meet your exact needs. We need to seek help when we need it and we need to accept help when it is offered .

If you don't know where to start or what to do to find the help that you or your children may need, there is one place to start. On your knees. Start praying. Ask friends to pray. Listen to God's voice and accept the help whether you think you need it or not.

I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2

Snow Days

Today we got our first snow for the season. Most of it has already melted by mid-morning, but that's OK. My kids get so excited when they see the first snow fall. It is contagious. Our morning was filled with a bit of craziness making sure everyone had coats, gloves, hats and boots. I always love the first part of the winter season.

But then I think about the cabin fever that sets in a few months down the road. It is very subtle and can creep up on me rather quickly. Whether you live in Canada or Florida, you have had those days as a mom. Do you remember a time when you have been stuck in your house, alone, for days, with just you and your kids, for hours on end?? You have played every game there is known to man. You have put together every puzzle. And if you have to watch one more episode of Elmo's World or read one more "Little Bear" story, you are going to scream!!

I have only lived in the northeast for about five years now, so I am still learning how to get through the winters. A couple of years ago, I started a folder with ideas for snow/rainy days. As I come across ideas in magazines, on the Internet or from friends, I write them down and put them in my folder. I want to share some of these ideas with you. Please share some ideas of your own. It's always good to be prepared! (II Timothy 4:2)

• Grab some boxes, blankets and sheets and build a fort.
• Bake some homemade cookies.
• Go on a treasure hunt. I sit on the couch and have my kids bring me one item at a time (something blue, something round, an animal, etc.). Then I have them race to put everything back when we're done.
• Shaving Cream/Redi-Whip mixed with food coloring makes great bathtub paints.
• Make an obstacle course through your house (going up and down stairs is an energy burner:)
• Make a picture collage with magazine cut-outs.
• Homemade instruments (http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/explore/homemademusic.htm )
• Play with shaving cream on the kitchen floor. This cleans my kids and my floor all at the same time.
• Make sock bean bags.
• Make sock puppets.
• Draw pictures and mail them to grandparents.
• Dress up, video tape your kids, then watch it together.
• Balloons (one package of balloons can create hours of fun!!)
• Make robot costumes, trains, astronaut costumes, etc. using old boxes.
• Cooking creations. Take out a few ingredients and let the kids make whatever they want. We like to make "dirty soup" using old spices and water. You can make both edible or pretend food.
• Make homemade playdough( http://www.creativekidsathome.com/activities/activity_8.html ) or slime (cornstarch and water)
• Go to the library.
• Sidewalk chalk in your garage.
• Ice cream in a bag.
• Rice box. (put rice in a large plastic box -I use an old plastic sled- and use it like a sand box in your house)
• Money games- matching money, snack bar, turn your house into a store.
• Make homemade stickers (http://www.crafterstouch.com/projectpage.aspx?projectid=83)
• Have a fun, no washing, bubble bath.
• Hand paint plates (find supplies at any craft store).
• Scavenger hunt
• Turn the music up and dance!!

The fat squirrel

My kids' schools are only about two miles or so from my house. On my way home from dropping them off this morning, I had at least five squirrels run across the road in front of me. One of them was so fat, I didn't think he was going to make it. As the temperature drops, I am sure those squirrels are gathering the last of their nuts to store up for the winter. They are making last minute preparation for the season.



As winter approaches, I find myself doing the same thing. I am closing windows and making sure the doors are draft proof. We store up wood for the stove, rushing out to get one more load to make sure we have enough to last. I get out all of our winter clothes. I make sure that everyone has hats, gloves, coats, boots and snow pants that fit. This year, I am making sure the kids have extra gloves because they will inevitably lose the first pair.



With the holidays coming up, there is yet another reason for me to scurry about like a fat little squirrel. I have already begun my Christmas shopping. I am trying to figure out what goodies I will be making for my neighbors. And where did I put my wrapping paper? Do I need more? Oh goodness, I hope I don't need more!



I have a group of girlfriends that I pray with. One of these ladies has written some devotions for us to work on during the Holidays. They are a constant reminder to me of how I really need to prepare for this time of year. What are the really important things I need to store-up?



When I prepare for winter, I have to look forward to many gloomy and grey days. Depression and cabin fever will almost positively overtake me at some point. How can I prepare? I have Bible verses at hand. I will post them around my home. I have a plan in place consisting of girlfriends, playdates, and a little "me-time". I have "snowed in" activities ready to go when my kids and I are bored. But most of all, I have my quiet time alone with God. His light is the only way for me to beat the winter blues.



When I prepare for the Holidays, I want to remember what I am celebrating. It's not about shopping and eating. Although, those are a fun part of it all. I am going to try my best this year to not let it overtake me. Thanksgiving and Christmas are all about giving. I was challenged by a friend when she asked me for ideas on how to show the love of Christ during these months of festivities. What does my family do to celebrate the real reason for the season? She knows we go to church and read about the birth of Christ. But how are we actually living it out? (I'll have to share my ideas on this one in a seperate blog.)



I just want you to think today about the coming change in our lives. How will you prepare like the squirrels? What are you choosing to "store up" this holiday and winter season? How will you survive?



Again, I want to encourage many of you to share your comments. You are all amazing moms and you all have great ideas. We could use them.

Focus on the Positive

So last week, I was reminded that many times when it comes to disciplining our kids, we need to focus on the positive.

One of my children has become increasingly difficult and every day for her is filled with negativity. So on Thursday I decided that no matter what she did-no matter how bad her behavior- we were going on a date. She was terrible!! All day!!! But I was determined. I had to constantly remind myself that I receive God's blessings even though I don't deserve them. I can't tell you how many times I thought that there was no way I was taking this child anywhere!! But I did. And it was wonderful, for both of us. We went to the play place at the mall and played forever. Then we had ice cream for dessert. It was refreshing to see our sweet little girl again. Now, keep in mind, I made it very clear to her that this date was not because of her behavior. We were on a date simply because I loved her. I told her all night how much I loved her and I gave her kisses and hugs every chance I got. What a difference a positive experience can make. On Friday, we ended up alone again and spent the morning shopping together and then out to a special lunch. Today, she is a different child.

I want to focus our thoughts on the good. I want to list some positive ways we can communicate to our children. This can turn our frustrations to joy. A positive experience can change our attitudes and our children will see that. I bet it will change their behaviors as well.

The first one comes from my sister-in-law. She is the one who inspired me to think happy thoughts. Here is what she said...

"I don't want to sound like I know it all cause I REALLY don't! And every situation is different... every child....everything... but I was struck this morning reading and remembering in Alabama... my kids were 8,6,4 and 1. I was homeschooling... and I too wanted a positive joyful day ... a change from the constant discipline and correction. I started a sticker chart ( it was a simple piece of paper with blank squares... I totally ignored the bad (what I could anyway,which was most!) and reinforced every good thing I saw...." Oh that was so nice of you to treat your sister that way".... "wow you put away your shoes"... "you ate all your lunch" ... "wow you got ready for bed quickly etc"... at first I was really grasping for the good and just had to reward some really tiny good things. But it didn't take long before things made a dramatic change. It was really amazing. I just randomly would say... "M that deserves a sticker"... I was not responsible for putting it on the chart...they were. They were young and honest enough that I just set the box by the charts and they picked one.... and didn't cheat... but not all kids are like that...but the kids really loved it. It made me see what they did right and it really made them want to do it right. I agree we need to teach them God's laws and truth. but in a way we can do that as well with a positive light..."didn't that feel good to do what you were supposed to"... "this pleases God and your mommy"etc, etc....anyway, I told them when their charts were full we would have an ice cream sundae night or go do something fun... like a special trip to the park....anyway, just a something to consider."

So we'll start with...

• Dates (one-on-one time with your child. No errands, no multi-tasking.)
• Sticker charts (no matter all the bad things they are doing, focus on only the positive)
• Pom-Pom jars (put colored cotton pom-poms into a jar, same concept as the stickers)
• At the dinner table say one thing nice about everyone there.
• Stop waiting for a special occasion, make today special! (bake a cake, eat lobster, use your best dishes)
• Have banana splits for breakfast.
• Turn up the music and sing and dance
• Turn off the TV!!! Spend time with your kids reading books or playing games. We like to play hide and go seek in the dark.

If you have an idea, please share it with the rest of us. We could use it!!!

Wisdom and Discipline

So, I am stuck on this topic of discipline. I guess it's because my kids are driving me insane!!! I am really struggling with them obeying and doing basic things that I ask. So, I am re-evaluating how I discipline, because what I am currently doing is obviously not working. This morning I was struck by several scripture references that use the words "wisdom" and "discipline" side-by-side.


Proverbs 1:7
Proverbs 12:1
Proverbs 15:31
Proverbs 23:23
Psalm 105:22 (teaching and discipline)
Psalm 94:12 (teaching and discipline)

When I read these verses, I ask myself, "When I discipline my children, am I teaching them God's laws?" To be perfectly honest, the answer to that is, "no". I am usually just mad. And I am trying to think of appropriate punishments that will make them remember to never ever disobey me again!! (note the "me" and the anger in my response. I'm working on it. Someday I will get it right. That's why this blog is here.)

I am not thinking about what my kids need to learn from their choices. I am not thinking about how God would want them to respond. I am not teaching wisdom. I am going about this whole discipline thing all wrong.

Today when I discipline my children, I will take the time to teach them wisdom from God's Word. Today will be a day filled with joy and not punishment.

Hopefully, I can remember to do this again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next....

God's Discipline

Our God is the perfect Father. Therefore, He is our best example to follow when it comes to disciplining our children. So how does our God discipline? Here's what I found. I encourage you to take the time to look up the scripture references and surrounding verses that speak to you.

• God's discipline sometimes seems harsh and severe, like when He destroyed entire cities and killed people on the spot. But He does this only when His people have continued to sin, continued to turn their backs to Him, continued to not respond/repent to His discipline. (Psalm 39:11; Deuteronomy 4:35&36; Leviticus 26:14)
• God will often offer blessings, rewards and compassion immediately after He disciplines. Some examples include Noah's Ark, the Israelites entering the Promised Land, destroying David's enemies, and answering prayers. (Job 5:17; Psalm 94:12; Leviticus 26:3)
• Sometimes God chooses to hug us and love on us and offer blessings when we really deserve harsh punishment. One example of this is found in the parable of The Lost Son in Luke 15:11-32. And the number one example is Jesus Christ dying for our sins! (Luke 23:41)
• God balances discipline and loving compassion perfectly. (Proverbs 3;12; Proverbs 13:24)
• God disciplines appropriately and fairly, not as a result of uncontrolled emotions. (Deuteronomy 11:2; Jeremiah 30:11)
• God has compassion on those who repent. A good example can be found after Jonah preaches in Ninevah (Jonah 3:10). You can also find God's compassion as Daniel prays for his nation in Daniel 9:1-19.

Something to think about (and maybe share with the rest of us)...

1. How can we us God's example when we discipline our own children?

2. What are some practical examples that you have used?

Life-giving discipline

Discipline is probably one of the most important tasks given to a parent. It is also probably one of the most difficult and most frustrating aspects of motherhood. I have heard so many mom's struggle in this area. Let's stop pretending every day is a joyous occasion and admit that some days just stink. My kids very rarely listen to what I have to say and so often make the wrong choices. I was not given an instruction manual when my kids were born! Or was I? Let's take a look at what Godly discipline looks like. Here are a couple of questions we can start with...

Why should I discipline? Proverbs 3:11 answers that question. "To produce a harvest of righteousness and peace." I want my children to be Godly men and women some day. I choose to discipline my children so that they will follow and obey God in all that do. This is what I ultimately want for my kids, but is this, in reality, why I discipline? No, not really. I most often discipline my kids because they aren't doing what I want them to do. They are making me look or feel bad. Once again, it's all about me. And that is when my earthly discipline fails me. That is when my kids don't get it and they stop listening to me. When I choose discipline that is Godly, that brings about peace and righteousness, then WOW! My kids actually do what they are supposed to do, for the most part. They aren't perfect (Proverbs 22:15).

Now, how should I discipline? We could talk for days on this one. We'll start with Proverbs 15:31. My words should be "life-giving". As many of you know, I am a yeller and I have many struggles with self-control and anger. So this verse is very convicting for me. So often, this is not how I choose to discipline my kids. I get angry and yell and then I see the defeat in my kids' eyes. My words should be life-giving instructions. To use this verse in a practical way, I will send my kids to their room until I have time to calm down. I make a conscious effort not to discipline when I am angry (Psalm 6:1; Psalm 38:1). While I am calming down, I will pray, look for verses to share with my children and ask God for His words. And by golly, it works! My kids are so much more responsive to discipline when God is with me and when I am using life-giving words. I want to be a life-giving mother. I refuse to be a life-drainer.

Promises

God makes many promises to His children during difficult times. Here are some of them...

• He hears my cries (Psalm 18:6)
• He will draw me out of deep waters (Psalm 18:6)
• He will hold onto me (Psalm 18:6)
• He turns my darkness to light (Psalm 18:28)
• He is merciful, compassionate, gracious and righteous (Psalm 116:5)
• He protects me (Psalm 116:6)
• He has already saved me (Psalm 116:6)
• He delivers my soul from death (Psalm 116:8)
• He is my everlasting light (Isaiah 60:20)
• He will end my days of sorrow (Isaiah 60:20)
• He will redeem me (Jeremiah 31:11)
• He took my infirmities and carried my sorrows (Isaiah 53:4) Note the past tense here. Even in the midst of my pain, He has already taken it away. Do I contiunue to hold onto the pain or take it back from Him?
• He has freed me (Psalm 116:16)

Now these are just a few verses that you could look up and meditate upon. I could write for years about what God has taught me in each one. But I encourage you to do the work and listen to what God is saying to you. He speaks to each one of us differently. Choose a verse and cling to it in times of trouble. He will never break a promise!

My favorite promise to cling to when I am really struggling with life is Joel 2:25 "I will repay the years the locusts have eaten. " What are the locusts in your life? What does God promise you in this verse? How does that give you hope?

For Him, Karin

What to do...

So what does the Bible say about how we should handle depression?? Here are some verses for you to review. This is not an exhaustive list for certain, but it will give you God's heart on this matter. Please listen to His voice as you read His Word.

• Trust in God's unfailing love (Psalm 13)
• Rejoice in my salvation (Psalm 13)
• Sing to the Lord (Psalm 13)
• Remember all the good things God has done for me (Psalm 13)
• Call to and cry out to God (Psalm 18:6)
• Praise God to all the nations; Proclaim what he has done for me (Psalm 18:49)
• Keep God's laws; follow His commands (Psalm 18:21)
• Love the Lord (Psalm 116:1)
• I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living (Psalm 116:9) I love this one because so often in the midst of despair I feel as if I am surrounded by death.
• I will lift up my salvation (Psalm 116:13-14)
• I will fulfill my vows to the Lord (Psalm 116:13-14) Remember all those times when youpray to God "Please, if you just get me through this pain, I promise to start spending more time with you?"
• I will be a servant of God (Psalm 116:16) Serving others will take your focus away from your problems.
• I will sacrifice a thank offering (Psalm 116:17)
• I will not die, but live! (Psalm 118:17) Memorize this one!!!
• I will dance and be glad (Jeremiah 31:12)
• I will not have "worldly" sorrow. I will repent. (II Corinthians 7:9&10)
• I will have a cheerful heart (Proverbs 17:22)

I encourage you to study these verses while you are filled with joy. Memorize them. Meditate upon them. Hide them in your heart for those times when you will need them most, for those times when you do not have the strength nor the will nor the desire to open your Bible. Tomorrow I will share with you all of the wonderful things God promises that He will do for us in our times of desperation.

Lovin Christ, Karin

Sad Mom

So yesterday I took a "mental health" day, or you might more correctly call it a "mental break down" day. It was one of those days where I just needed to cry and scream a little bit (OK~ a lot). Have you had one of those days?? My poor husband has no idea what to do with me on these days because no matter what he does, it's wrong.

Don't worry, today I am feeling much better. But I want to take this opportunity to talk about it while the feelings are still fresh on my mind. As I have mentioned on other occasions, depression comes frequently into my life. I am currently choosing to forgo medicine and rely upon my God to see me through. Someday, that may change. For now, my depression is situational and is usually triggered by ongoing stress. I can become depressed because of my struggle as a mom and maintaining my home, but also because of my past. It rarely lasts more than a day. I have a plan in place and I use it. I do believe that God is still molding me.

I wrote this yesterday in the midst of my pain so I could remember and relay to you the feelings deep within me. For my friends and family, please do not be alarmed. I want to be real in this mommy blog. I am not a "fluff-n-stuff" kind of mom. And there are so many moms out there who struggle with these same feelings. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! All mommy's are not happy every day of their lives. There are some, yes, but not all. And I refuse to pretend that I am one of those moms. So here it is...

Invisible
I am the incredible shrinking woman
I am the disappearing girl.
I am invisible.
No one sees me.
No one hears me.
No one listens to what I have to say.
Darkness surrounds me.
Death consumes me.
I am alone.
All alone.
So why am I here?
Often I can go an entire day without one voluntary human touch.
The only time I am touched is usually because I am in the way and have been run into.
The only time I am noticed is when I stop doing and being.
Where is my shirt?
Where is my dinner?
I need to go to practice!
It’s not working!!
So why am I here?
No one sees me.
No one hears me.
No one listens to what I have to say.
I am here to serve.
And I am supposed to serve with joy in my heart.
But today the joy has vanished and it is hiding somewhere far, far away.
I have no energy.
I have no strength.
I have nothing.
I am nothing.
I want to be seen.
I want to be heard.
I want someone, anyone, to listen to me.
The world will go on without me.
So why am I here?
I want someone to pretend they care.
I want someone with the time to listen to me cry.
It is so hard in this sad world to find the joy that I so desperately seek.
I am here to serve.
Today I am trying to serve my family.
I have it all wrong.
And I know it.
I want to wallow in my self-pity for a while.
I want to feel and fully know the sadness, the darkness within me.
I know that He is here with me.
He has held me all day.
At one point, it was He who held me back.
I will rest in His arms tonight.
I will wake in the morning and seek out His joy.
I will never find it or fully comprehend it.
Until I die.
Tomorrow I will seek Him.
I will serve Him.
His grace is sufficient for me.

So this is how I feel, but what does the Bible say about depression? The Bible doesn't directly speak of depression (meaning that I cannot find one verse that has the word"depression" in it), but I do know that David struggled with it. So I look to the Psalms. Since this blog seems unending right now, today I will focus only on how David felt when he was depressed.

The Bible vividly describes depression as...

• a feeling of abandonment (even Jesus felt this way Matthew 27:46; Mark 14:34; Psalm 13:1; Psalm 22:1 )
• feeling all alone (Psalm 13)
• feels like it will never end (Psalm 13)
• begins in my head, with my thoughts (Psalm13)
• a feeling that satan and my enemies have won (Psalm 13)
• surrounded by death and destruction (Psalm 18:4-5)
• distressed (Psalm 18:6)
• feeling faint, bones in agony (Psalm 6:2)
• feeling empty, heart aching, weak, strength is dried up, cannot speak (Psalm 22:14)
• worn out, groaning, weeping all night (Psalm 6:6)
• weak with sorrow (Psalm 6:7)
• unceasing anguish in my heart (Romans 9:2)

This is how it feels- physically, emotionally, and mentally. If you have ever had depression, you know these symptoms well. This is exactly how I feel when I am in my own little funk. Fortunately, I have a God who wrote these words and knows how I feel. He understands my pain to the depths of my soul.

And tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I will share what the Bible says I should do in these times of deep sorrow. Until then, I am finding joy in Him.

Karin

Dancing Queen

I saw the Broadway showing of "Mama Mia" last night and I am still dancing and singing this morning. I cannot get the music out of my head. I am sure the people watching me in my car must think I have gone completely crazy. And while I am singing and dancing to these secular songs, I cannot stop thinking about my God. I am filled to overflowing with joy. I have so, so much to be thankful for. So today, I just want to worship and praise my God all day long. I will ask Him for nothing because He has supplied all my needs (Philippians 4:19) and given me so much more. Today I will lift Him up, glorify His name, sing songs to my King and give thanks for all that I have in Him. What a beautiful day!

Thank you Lord for my home, my health, my happiness. Thank you for this overwhelming joy inside my soul that can only come from you. Thank you for my family and friends who stand beside me despite my many moods. Thank you for my memories that have brought me so much happiness and shaped me into the woman I am today. Thank you, Lord, for the beauty that surrounds me this season. Thank you for the body you've given me and for seeing the beauty in your creation despite the faults that I may dwell upon. You are an awesome and mighty and powerful God and nothing can compare to your greatness.

Psalm 92:1-2 "It is good to praise the Lord and make music in your name, O Most High, to proclaim your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night..."

I encourage you to read the rest of that Psalm and allow God to speak to your heart. I challenge you to praise, honor and thank your God all day long, without requiring anything in return. Allow God to fill your soul today, fill it to overflowing with His joy. Turn on your favorite music and sing to Him! Grab your kids and sing and dance praises to our King. Throw a feather boa around your neck and become a "dancing queen" for God and have the time of your life!!!

Out of my mouth

Sometimes God is speaking to us, and we really aren't listening. So, He repeats himself again and again and again until we finally say, "OK! OK! I get it!" Today is one of those days. I have come across a verse several times and I would like to share my thoughts on it with you.

Psalm 5:9 "Not a word from their mouths can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongue they speak deceit."

In previous posts I've mentioned my struggles with anger management, self-control and holding my tongue. Here, David is talking to God about his many enemies. But for me, God is speaking about me. This verse describes exactly who I am from my heart. I am not perfect. I am a sinner. And to be completely honest, in my anger, this is who I become.

The words that flow out of my mouth come from my heart (Matthew 12:34). When I am yelling at my kids or my husband, my words cannot be trusted because I am usually trying to manipulate the situation to benefit me. My heart is filled with destruction because all I want to do is make the other person feel as badly as I do at that particular moment. My throat is an open grave as I speak words that are simply "killing" the other person's spirit (Proverbs 15:4). I speak with deceit as I spout out anything that comes to my mind, truth or not.

This verse speaks to who I am. But it is not who I want to be. It is not who God created me to be. And it is not who I have to be. With Jesus Christ in my life, at the forefront of my mind; with God's love overflowing in my heart (see again Matthew 12:34), I can be the exact opposite of this verse (Psalm 119:171&172). God has given me the power to no longer be this person who speaks destruction, deceit, and death. I can be a mother who speaks wisdom (Proverbs 31:26), righteousness (Psalm 51:14), and praise (Psalm 71:23)

Thank goodness for a God who forgives. Thank goodness for a Bible that can teach me how to change. I am so blessed to have His power and strength inside of me during the difficult times in my life. It is His words that will flow from my mouth when I become angry.

"May my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth if I do not remember you" (Psalm 137:6)

God's Crayons

Isn't our God amazing!!! I am just in awe at the beauty He has created for us. Is there any scientific reason for the change in colors? Is it necessary for the survival of the trees, or is this just one of those wonderful blessings that God made for no other reason than our sheer enjoyment?? Saturday was the most perfect Fall day. Clear blue skies, white puffy clouds, a cool crispness in the air, and then I walked upon this tree. The leaves were almost fluorescent in the sunlight. What color is this anyways? Red? Orange? It doesn't really matter. It's gorgeous!! I wonder what other colors God has in his crayon box up in heaven.

When I look at the magnificent colors on the hillsides of New York, I cannot help but wonder how God could create anything more beautiful. And yet He has. I cannot wait to see the brilliance of heaven. I get excited just thinking about it. I cannot imagine a more beautiful scene than Fall leaves changing color. But heaven is going to be so much greater, something I cannot even imagine, no matter how many times I try.


What an awesome creator we have!! I am simply stunned by His beautiful works.
I Corinthians 2:9

Simplify

I have been trying to simplify my life for a while now. It all started when we moved from the fast pace of a big city to the slower walk of a small town. When we lived in Jacksonville, Florida, we were constantly on the go to school, work, sports and church activities. Five years ago, when we moved to upstate New York, we spent an entire year practicing saying "no" to any major responsibilities. We spent the year simply enjoying our family and slowing our pace. It was the absolute best year of our marriage/family. Very soon after this time though, we began working more and looking for ways to get involved in our community and church. It didn't take us long to begin running again. Our lives quickly spiraled out of control.

My good friend Gina has reminded me over the years to "simplify". In fact, her entire ministry (DeepStream- http://www.streamthoughts.blogspot.com/) revolves around simplifying our lives to better serve Christ. Over the past few months I have begun the purging process to get back to a simpler lifestyle. I quit my job. I cut back on my ministry responsibilities at church. I stopped going out to every women's get together I could find. And I began focusing my time and energy on my family. I often ask myself "Why am I choosing to do this activity? And is this really what God wants me to be doing with my time?" I am usually doing something because society tells me I have to, like having my kids involved in every sport during every season. God wants me to spend quality time with my kids. He doesn't intend for me to be yelling at them "Hurry up and eat! Get your shoes! Where's your soccer ball? Go! Go! Go! We're going to be late!!"

The word "simplify" keeps coming to my mind. When times are rough, take a break. Sit back and breathe. Slow down. Simplify. I came across this idea in Haggai 1:5-9. I especially like 7 & 9, "Give careful thought to your ways... My house remains in ruins while each of you is busy with his own house." Am I too busy with my own life to serve my God in the ways He has intended for me??

I want to encourage you to simplify your life. You don't have to move to another town and start all over. You don't have to give up everything. Just ask yourself, "Am I doing too much? Am I able to take care of the responsibilities that God has given to me?" You could start with something small, like only doing the dishes at the end of the day rather than after every meal. It may be bigger, like stepping down from a leadership position that is taking too much time away from your family.

I would love to hear ways that you have simplified your life and how God has blessed you through that change.

Simply, Karin

Happy Mommy- Happy Father

I must admit, I have been known to bribe my children in order to get them to behave. Although, I think that I have done this one too many times. And I am sure many parenting coaches out there would disapprove of this method. But sometimes, it just has to be done!! My kids will often ask me, "What do I get if I'm good?" This is not a concept I want them to have. I want my children to do the right thing simply because it is the right thing to do, not because they are going to get something out of it. My reply every time they ask this particular question is, "You'll get a happy mommy." They usually respond with whining, to which I remind them that if they continue they will be getting a very angry mommy. This will most likely stop any talking,whining, begging or bargaining and I can have a few moments of quiet to myself.

I am so much like my children. I try my best to be obedient to God. I am a sinner and I am not perfect, and I'd like to think that I do my best live according to His Word. But so many times I think, "Well, if I do this one thing for God, then He will bless me with what I want." How many times have I prayed, "God, if you give me this (fill in the blank), then I will do whatever you ask of me." I expect to see tangible results for my obedience. Is this really the attitude God wants from me? It certainly is not the attitude I want from my children. I should be thankful that God hasn't already stricken me down by lightening for all of my shenanigans!

When I make good choices, then I will receive the blessing of a very happy Father. I've already received forgiveness for my sins, what else could I possibly want?

Passion

I read a quote today...

"Success (Passion) is waking up in the morning, whoever you are, wherever you are, however old or young, and bounding out of bed because there's something out there that you love to do, that you believe in, that you're good at- something that's bigger than you are and you can hardly wait to go at it again today. It is something you'd rather be doing than anything else. you wouldn't give it up for money, because it means more to you than money." Whit Hobbs

I love this quote and I plan on posting it somewhere in my house. It got me thinking this morning. Do I feel this way about motherhood? Am I a passionate, successful mom? A while ago, I would have had to say no. But God has since given me a passion and desire to be the mom that He intends me to be. I have been on a quest to truly understand God and me and this whole mommy thing. And here I am, passionate about something that I used to loathe. I love seeing my children's faces first thing in the morning. I love planning out our days and our weekends together. I can't wait for my oldest son to get off the bus and eat cookies with him and listen all about his playground battles with friends.

My favorite Bible verse concerning my children is I Samuel 1:27. I prayed for each of my children. I wanted kids more than anything in the world. Why? I'm not sure I could have answered that question before I gave birth to our first son, but my heart's desire at that time was to have a family complete with kids. And God granted me my heart's desire. He gave me exactly what I prayed for each time. Even our foster daughter was an answer to prayer. So when did that desire for kids fade and turn into apathy? Why did I spend so many of my mothering years in a funk? Maybe it all happened when I became more concerned about me and how tired I was or what others were thinking when my boys misbehaved in public. When my desires turned away from God's desires, I lost my passion~ quickly.

To be honest, I don't always jump out of bed to greet my children with a happy face. For those of you who know me well enough, you know that I am NOT a morning person. But I am seeking God's desires for me as a mom and I am loving every minute of it. I am good at it. It is so much bigger than me and I can hardly wait to go out and do it again today. I'd rather be a mom right now than anything else in the world and I would never, never, not ever, trade this job for any amount of money.

Something to think about (and maybe share with the rest of us)...
1. What are your passions?

2. Are they God's passions as well?

3. How do you know?

Cooking Dinner for God

As moms, we often don't get the recognition we deserve. Every once in a while I might get a "thanks mom", but that's about it.

Dinner time is most frustrating for me. My kitchen philosophy is, "if it takes longer than 20 minutes to prepare, it doesn't get made." So, I don't typically spend a lot of time cooking. But I do take the time to experiment with new recipes, go shopping and try to make things that everyone will enjoy. It is inevitable, no matter what I make, someone in my family will sit down at the table and say, "I don't like this." You don't even know if you don't like it. And even if we all know that you don't like... FINE!!! DON'T EAT IT! (can you see where my anger issues come into play here??) I try to teach my kids to be thankful for what they have, but they don't care. They don't like it and they must announce it to the world. I think it's time to pack up their dinner and send it to the starving children in Africa.

I went off on a little tangent there. Sorry. To the point... One of my jobs as a mom is to serve my children. I am not talking about waiting on my children hand and foot. I do want them to become self-sufficient before they turn 30. Cooking dinner comes to mind because this is an act of service that I enjoy. It is something that my kids are unable to do yet and it is a need that must be met. I love to serve my family in this way. I don't expect recognition. Although it is nice when my children thank God in their sweet little prayers for a mommy who makes such a yummy dinner. But then, as soon as they open their eyes they say "Eeeeeewwwww! Yuck. What's this?"

OK, another tangent. I promise to get on with this.

It is selfless to serve. That is where my problem lies. I know that no service, especially the service of a mother, goes unnoticed or even unappreciated by our God. So why do I get so upset when I don't receive the praise I think I deserve? Why do I even care if my kids are unhappy with the dinner menu? Because it's all about me, me, me! (note the sarcasm)


Galatians 1: 10 popped into my head today. Who am I really serving? Am I serving God or man? By golly, I am serving God. I do not make yummy dinners to please my children and have them tell me every night what a wonderful chef I am. I am cooking dinner for my God. Because it makes Him happy to see me serve my family in a selfless way, with or without their approval.

I am an example to my children just like Jesus is an example for me. He served without complaint no matter what was asked of Him (John 13:14-15, 17 is just one example). To live for God is to serve others. This is what I want my kids to see in my life, even if the "others" complain nonstop and are never content with what I give them!

Maybe I should make it a "pizza and ice cream night" tonight.


Something to think about (and maybe share with the rest of us)...
In your role as mom, how do you serve God?

Is it worth the lack of recognition?

Why?

Big Plans

My youngest son begins Kindergarten next year. My husband and I have decided that it will be time for me to go back to work at that point. It was actually our plan all along. Once the kids were all in school, I would go back to work. The only problem is that I have grown accustomed to living off my husband's paycheck. I like unemployment. I really don't want to go back to work and if I do, what will I do?? I have just a few more months to decide. What does God really want me to do with my future?



I have learned my lesson about doing my own thing when God wants me somewhere else. So I am treading down this path very carefully. I want God's will for my life. I don't want to waste my time in a place that He never intended me to be. So I am praying and seeking Him until I know for sure, without a shadow of a doubt, what God's plan is for my life.



I began reading a book called "Pathway to Purpose for Women" by Katie Brazelton. What is my purpose? Does God want me to go into teaching again? Do I go back to school? Do I start my own business? Do I convince my husband that I really want to stay home and do nothing but eat bon-bons and watch soaps all day?? (probably not, but it's worth a shot) I haven't finished the book, but this I know for sure...



The Bible very clearly states in I Corinthians 2: 9, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what god has prepared for those who love Him!" My God has big, BIG plans for my life (and yours). I don't know exactly what they are, yet. But He has it all under control. I can't even imagine the possibilities. So while I wait and pray for the path that God wants me to follow into my future, I will have hope. I get all excited just thinking about it! And while I wait and pray, I will enjoy every moment of the path that I am currently on. He has big, Big plans for me and I am living out those plans right now. I am a mom. What bigger plan could I ask for?? My God is so good.

Holding My Tongue

So, usually my anger manifests itself into some pretty nasty things that come out of my mouth. Today I'd like to share some of my thoughts on holding my tongue...

Often times I get so angry that I say things that I wish I hadn't. I am not thinking about the words coming out and they are usually harmful. Sometimes I am trying to manipulate the situation to make it someone else's fault, when really I am the one to blame. (I am very good at that, by the way.) So, I ask myself, "What would happen if I were to keep my mouth shut when I get angry?"

• Maybe I would have a calmer, quieter spirit.
• Maybe I wouldn't sin in my anger.
• Maybe I would do more listening.
• Maybe I would have a clearer head to hear God's voice.
• Maybe I would diffuse the situation.
• Maybe I wouldn't hold onto my anger for so long.
• Maybe I wouldn't even get angry.

There are so many verses to cover here, so I will save that for another day. For now, why don't you look up a verse or two and see what God has to say to you. Here are some of my favorites...

Proverbs 10:19; Proverbs 17:27; ***Proverbs 31:26***

Anger Management Continued

I want to continue my thoughts from a previous post on anger management. Over the past few months, I have looked up verses in my Bible concerning anger and self-control. Here is what I found...

• God gets angry, too. (Exodus 32:10-14; Leviticus 26:14-46; Numbers 32:10-13; Deuteronomy 9:19; Deuteronomy 29:28. I could go on and on with verses from the Old Testament)
• God has compassion when just one of his children ask for it, even in the midst of His anger. (Exodus 32:10-14)
• God will punish for wrongdoing. (Leviticus 26:14-46)
• God rewards for obedience - blessings, safety, peace, favor, no fear, abundance (Leviticus 26:1-13)
• God is slow to anger. (Numbers 14:18)
• God is abounding in love. (Numbers 14:18)
• God is abounding in forgiveness(Numbers 14:18)
• God has been know to punish sinners by denying his promises to them. (Numbers 32:10-13)
• Each day is a new day to try and get it right. God's compassion is new every morning. (Lamentations 3:22)
• Even though I continue to sin, God is forgiving, gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in love. (Nehemiah 9:17; Psalm 86:15)
• God's anger lasts only for a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime. (Psalm 30:5)
• God restrains his anger and does not release His full wrath. (Psalm 78:38)
• God does not harbor his anger. (Psalm 103:9-10)
• God does not treat me as I deserve. (Psalm 103:9-10)
• I am commanded to use gentle words, not harsh ones. (Proverbs 15:1)
• Do not sin when you are angry. (Ephesians 4:26-17)
• I am commanded to keep myself under control (Proverbs 29:11)
• I need to check myself by asking, "Why am I angry? Do I have a right to be angry?"(Jonah 4:4)
• I will not give the devil a foothold!! (Ephesians 4:26-27) Anger and a lack of self-control are my weakness and satan knows it. I will be tempted. I cannot give him a foothold or he wins.
• God's desire for my life is to be righteous, and anger is not a part of that.(James 1:19-20)
• I will be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. (James 1:19-20)

God is the perfect example. So many of these verses speak to me in so many ways. I could blog for days about each one, but I won't. I want God to speak to you. Take the time to pick one or two verses that He is speaking to you and meditate on them this week. The verses that I cling to, the ones that rise up when I feel that anger in the pit of my stomach are Proverbs 15:1 and James 1:19-20.

Livin' for His Joy, Karin

Pray today

Today I encourage you to pray. If you never pray for our country or our troops, today should be a day that you do. It only takes a minute. Imagine the hours of prayers that God will receive if every person in America prays for just one minute today.

I remember very vividly the day that our country was attacked. And on every September 11, my heart aches for the lives lost that day and for the lives lost since then. I am so fortunate that there are men and women willing to die for me, for my family, for my freedom. I could not write this blog without them.

The foundation of this great country lies at the foot of the cross. So today, use your freedom that God has given you and pray.

Anger Management

I have always had an explosive temper. My husband often says that sometimes I just "snap" for seemingly no reason. I try my best to maintain control, and then the fuming smoke builds inside of me until I lose it! I've had this problem since childhood and I remember kids avoiding me because of my explosive nature. When I was teaching, my students always knew when to back off because my face began to turn blood red before one of my outbursts. It's sad for me to think that it was my anger and uncontrolled outbursts that defined who I was for so long. I pray that anger and temper tantrums (literally) will not be what my children remember when they think of their mommy. I need to make some changes.


Honestly, the most difficult part for me as a mom is controlling my temper. I struggle with a lot when it comes to motherhood, but anger management is definitely at the top of my list.


I'd like to think that I have a hot temper because I am a natural red head. Or it could be because of the circumstances of my past. There are a lot of things I could blame my outbursts on. But I also know that these are all just excuses to validate my sin. I have a choice to make. God commands me to be self-controlled and even tempered (Proverbs 29:11). As usual, this is not a mere suggestion or practical advice, but a command from God. If I am giving full vent to my anger, then I am sinning. It's black and white. Fortunately, I have a compassionate God who loves me. I know that despite what has already happened, God can make something new~ without anger, without exploding.


Lord~ Today , I am seeking a verse to cling to that will help me to control my temper. When I feel the anger in the pit of my stomach moving up, I need God's Word to spill out of my heart, to change the anger to joy, to stop me in my tracks, to make me a new mommy (II Corinthians 5:17).

(Note~ It's OK to get angry. God and Jesus have both been angry. It's how I get angry and why I am angry that causes me to fall. It's more about controlling my emotions rather than letting them control me. But that's a topic for another day.)

Something to think about (and maybe share with the rest of us)...

What verse do you cling to when you get angry??
BTW- I know that many of you who read this have very hectic schedules. So please do not feel the obligation to respond. I just want to get you thinking. But, on the other hand, there may be a mom out there who would benefit from your insight. Just a thought.

God's Will for Moms

I have come to a place in my life where I know that I cannot be like other moms~ particularly moms in magazines or on TV. I realize that I am showing my age, but...


When I think of mom's in our media, I think about Peggy from the TV show "Married with Children". What a terrible example of a mother. I realize that was the purpose of her role, but still, it glorified her as a mom. I am also reminded of June Cleaver. Could I ever live up to her standards as the perfect American mother? Why do I compare myself to these women? Is that really what God wants for me? No.


Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will."


I don't want to be any other mom than the mom that God intended me to be. So who is that woman exactly?? I know for a fact that I don't want and God doesn't want me to be a "Peggy" or a "June". I could never even attempt to look as good as Julia Roberts after twins. So what is God's will for me as a mom?


God wants me to renew my mind, to change my way of thinking as a mother. I will no longer look at mom's in our culture and try to be like them. I need to be transformed. I will not be like the mom's who have conformed to the patterns of this world. I don't even want to be the same mother that I have been in my own past. I want to be changed. I want to be renewed by God's Word. I want to be a new mom, a better mom, the mom that God has designed me to be.


I Thessalonians 4:3 tells me that God's will for me is to be sanctified, to be holy. I am to be set apart and different from other moms, and my children should be able to see this in me. God wants me to be like Christ. In I Thessalonians 5:16-18, God tells me again exactly what His will for my life is. God's wants me to be joyful. His will is for me is to pray all the time (for my kids, for my marriage, for my sanity). And God wants me to be thankful for everything~ good and bad.


So to sum it all up... God's will for me as a mom is to be transformed, to be renewed, to be sanctified, to be holy, to be Christ-like, to be joyful, to pray continually, and to give thanks. That's it. It's that basic. I can do that.


Dear Jesus~ Will you please transform me as a mother? Will you make me and mold me into a new mom, a better mom, the mom you have created me to be? I am willing. Show me how! Let me hear your voice throughout this day and respond to the calling you have given to me. Thank you Lord. Thank you.

How to fix a happy...

My youngest son loves for me to rub his back and arms and hands. Do you have one like that? He's like a cat sometimes when he quietly sneaks up and maneuvers himself under my hand. So often, I find myself rubbing his arms without realizing how long I've been doing it. Most of the time, I really don't mind. It's sweet and offers some quiet, one-on-one for just the two of us. But there are some days when I've just had enough. Today was one of those days.

I had both of my four year old children laying on me for about an hour and I was tired of being touched. So I asked them very nicely to step back and give mommy a few minutes alone. My son looked at me with his sad eyes and said, "Mommy, you broke my happy," and he walked away with his head down and shoulders sagging. What was I supposed to do?? I had to fix his happy, and quick! I immediately put him in my lap and began rubbing his back.

This is exactly how my little boy always get what he wants!!!

Mother Verses

Since April, I have been studying "motherhood" in the Bible. I have covered several different topics that were important to me. I only used my Bible, a notebook, and a pen. On occasion, I would look up words and verses in a Bible dictionary or explanatory notes. But for the most part, I simply read the Bible and asked God for meaning. I have spent most of my time in prayer, listening to God's voice. I would like to share some of what I have learned, and hopefully inspire some of you moms out there to study God's Word on your own.

I began my journey by simply looking up verses in the Bible that held the word "mother" in them. My Bible does not have an exhaustive concordance, so I only have a fraction of the verses that are available to us. Here is what i found...

• There are many great mothers in the Bible that I can follow as an example. (Eve, Sarah, Mary, Deborah...)
• A mother is to be honored. Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 27:16
• A mother is never to be cursed. Leviticus 20:9
• A mom should give her children to the Lord, but also take care of them and bring them special treats. I Samuel 2:19
• God can make me a happy mom. Psalm 113:9
• As a mom, I will be glad. I will rejoice! Proverbs 23:25
• A mother should use the "rod of correction". Proverbs 29:15
• God calls me, as a mother, to give wisdom and teach wisdom to my children. Proverbs 31:1
• Even if a mother forgets her children (in my case, I tend to forget my kids when I am seeking "me" over them), God can pick up the pieces. He will never forget my children! Isaiah 49:15
• I will comfort my children. Isaiah 66:13
• I will love and show love to my children, even when they sin (over and over again) Romans 5:8
• My children should love God more than they love me.Matthew 10:34-37
• I will seek God's will for me and my family. Matthew 12:50
• A mother should give to help others. Matthew 15:5-7
• I will make sure that my children hear the Word of God and obey it! Luke 11:27-28
• I need to be gentle when caring for my children. I Thessalonians 2:7
• I need to live out my faith in front of my children. II Timothy 1:5

Key Words

gentle, live out my faith, teach, seek God's will, love God, honored, happy, glad, rejoice, comfort, love, care for, give special treats

I encourage you to look up verses that God has spoken to you today. I encourage you to pray and listen to God's voice. I pray that we will become the mothers that God has intended us to be!!

Something to think about (and maybe share with the rest of us)...

Which verses about motherhood hold special meaning for you??

Lovin Christ, Karin

Just Breathe

Our foster daughter become sick this week. Monday night she coughed and hacked endlessly. Tuesday morning she asked to sit with me. As she lay on my chest, her stomach kept bumping me whenever she took a breath. It was a bit like Chinese water torture, so I moved her to a different position. Then I could hear the wheezing. She was really struggling to take in air. I immediately called the doctor and took everyone into the office (including my two boys and two overnight friends). With steroids and breathing treatments, she is doing much better this morning. This whole experience got me thinking (and listening to my God's beautiful voice)..


This time of year, just before school, is always so busy for me trying to get my children ready for the days ahead. And I often forget to just breathe. I rush around, taking kids to get physicals and notebooks and backpacks. I am running and running and I forget that I have to breathe in and breathe out. I am thankful to be capable of breathing without effort. And this I know is a true blessing, as many people really struggle with this basic need in our lives. But many of us forget.

I love this time of year, where Fall is just beginning and we get a glimpse of the cooler weather to come. When I sit outside, I close my eyes and just breathe in His presence. I love to imagine what my God must smell like. I think He smells like rain and newly cut grass and freshly fallen leaves. When I breathe in His presence, I can feel the change of temperature in my nostrils as it moves to the pit of my lungs. Take a deep breath right now and feel it. Close your eyes, breathe in slowly and deeply for at least 7 seconds. Hold your breath for another 7 seconds and focus on His presence inside of your soul. He's there! Feel Him! Smell Him! Enjoy this brief moment with Him. Then breathe out slowly (another 7 seconds).

How precious is the air we breathe. What a gift from God! I am so thankful for every breath I take. It means I have one more second to live on this earth and experience a life like no other, a life that was created and designed just for me. It means I have one more second to love others and to serve a God in ways only He can imagine.

Today, I am thankful for the air I breathe. I am thankful that I have the capacity to take in deep and long breaths. I am thankful for a God who has given me such a simple pleasure in my life.

Something to think about (and maybe share with the rest of us)...

1. What does God smell like to you?

Good Way on a Bad Day

Today is a good day. I am definitely a happy mommy. I was able to get to the gym, go grocery shopping (sans kids :)), and I had a good half hour of uninterrupted quiet time with my God. So far, so good!

It is in these moments, these good times, that I am reminded that I need God the most. I need to use Him more now to store up His Word and listen to His voice. I need to prepare for the bad days that I know are coming. God never promises that we will have peaceful days for the rest of our Christian lives. He most definitely promises the opposite~ that we will have trials(James 1:2). And He says we need to be prepared in season and out of season(II Timothy 4:2). It is in these peaceful moments,like today, that I am most willing to listen to God . I don't have such a negative attitude. I can be thankful for the tiniest little things. And I can focus long enough on God (and not my own selfish problems) to be able to really store up God's Word in my heart.

This morning I came across Jeremiah 6:16. "Ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls." This is a new verse to me and one that I will store away to use when my soul is feeling unsettled. I am reminded to ask God on a daily basis what He feels is the best path for my life (whether it be to play with my kids or clean my house or rest my body.) I need to listen to His voice, and then I need to do it! These are not mere suggestions that God is offering. He is not saying that these actions might make me feel better on a particularly rotten day. This is a command!! And it comes with a promise that God will give my soul rest when I choose to obey Him.

I prayed this verse today. The "good way" for me this week is to take this precious time before school starts and create lasting memories for my children and me. Today we are going hiking up at Buttermilk Falls. My house is a disaster and it is driving me crazy! But I know that God has a better time planned for me to take care of the house, and today is not that day. I want my soul to be at rest by knowing that I am choosing the path that God has created just for me. It's funny that God would be making my "good way" an actual hiking trail through the woods.

We'll see where His path leads us today. I love knowing that I am choosing God's ways and then wondering what treasures He will lead me to. It's like seeing all the wrapped presents under the tree on Christmas Eve, knowing they are going to be great, but not yet being allowed to open them!

Something to think about (and maybe share with the rest of us)...
1. What does this verse mean to you? Jeremiah 6:16 Read it and put your name inside. God is speaking to you!

Wearing emotional sleeves

I have the tendency to wear my feelings on my sleeve. Everyone in the world knows how I feel. I have a hard time hiding it. And I feel like I'm being fake and not true to who I am if I try.

When I am happy and feeling talkative, people flock in my direction. But more often, I am quiet and tired, or sad, or just plain frustrated with my kids. I have a hard time faking joy in those moments when I have none. God calls us to find joy in all situations (James 1:2), but it is sooooo hard to do.

Last Easter was particularly difficult for me for a number of reasons. But mainly I think it was because satan really wanted to steal my joy on that very special day. Anyways, it doesn't matter why I was upset. I just was and everyone knew it. "If mamma ain't happy ain't nobody happy." Most people avoided me that day. One young lady, though, walked right up to me and gave me a big hug. She said, "Looks like you needed this today". And I did. If I had known her better, I probably would have burst into tears right there on her shoulder. But I was in a public place and I tried my best to compose myself. I treasured that hug on Easter morning and still do. I needed a hug. God knew it and He gave it to me. I was still sad most of that day, but I found hope and a small glimmer of joy in my heart.

It's these moment that I now look for in other people. Moments to encourage and bring joy to those who have none.

Thank you to a God who loves me no matter what I am feeling. Thank you to friends who love me in the same way. Thank you to people like this young girl who listened to God telling her to give me a hug. Thank you for letting me be me and work through my life~ laughter and tears. If we didn't have the pain, we wouldn't know how good the joy really feels. So cry when you need to cry. And give a hug when you see someone needs it.

Lovin Hugs,
Karin

Wading Through the Crap

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body. I Corinthians 6:19 & 20

I have struggled with maintaining a healthy body all of my life. I don't like to exercise and I am most definitely an emotional eater. Many women are. For example, last Saturday I was having a rough morning for whatever reason (i really don't remember). So, I ate about ten Oreo cookies for breakfast. And it felt good! For the moment. Then I realized what I had done and felt even more miserable. Anyone out there know what I'm talking about?? This verse in I Corinthians is such a good verse for me. And it is one that God often brings to the forefront of my mind.

I must take care of the body (temple) that He gave me. This is not a suggestion, but a command from God. I must exercise daily. I must choose healthy foods to put in my body. I must rest and take care of me. When I don't do these things, I find that I am more susceptible to depression and just plain feeling rotten. And when I feel this way, I don't make a very good mommy. Now I am not saying that I need to go to the gym everyday and become a vegetarian. But I do need to get my body up and moving everyday. And I could eat a little more broccoli and a little less cookies. ( note- I said a little less cookies. I'm not giving them up all together. Cookies and a tall glass of milk are two of my best friends after a hard day.)

IMAGINE~ A church. Your sanctuary. No one has kept it up. It's dusty and dirty. There is trash laying around. The lights are out. The piano is out of tune. The windows are broken. You can hear the outside noise- lawnmowers, cars driving past, honking horns, and siblings arguing. The septic has overflowed. You have to wade through the crap in the foyer to even get to the sanctuary. The black gunk is oozing into your shoes. There is an overwhelming stench causing you to gag.

Why would we want to come here? Would you be able to focus and worship our God? You could do it and you probably would do your best to be with God here, but it would be VERY difficult to get much worshipping done.

Then why do I let my body get like this? ~ Crap to wade through, the outside world seeping in, darkness in the corners, dulled music. I have allowed myself to become unhealthy physically and mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Would God want to spend time in this sanctuary that I have created for Him? He lives in my heart no matter what the condition, but would He be happy to be there?

In order to be a good mom, I must first be with my God. I need a healthy and Holy place where we can meet. I need my physical body to be a cleaned up temple for God without any crap inside.


I'm working on it.



Something to think about ...(and maybe share with the rest of us)

1. What things are you doing that honors the temple that God gave you?

Need a hug??

I have a small sign on my children's bedroom doors. It has a picture of a child throwing a tantrum and screaming"NO!!" It reads "The child who is hardest to love is the child who needs love the most". Followed with a verse from the story of The Prodigal Son(Luke 15:20), "He ran to him, threw his arms around him and kissed him." This sign is a constant reminder to me of how I can show God's love to my children. Sometimes we need a little discipline in our lives, some consequences to our actions. But sometimes, we just need a hug.

Buying a Rocket to Visit God

My son and I had an interesting conversation today. Sometimes I'm not sure where my kids get some of the things that come out of their mouths. Maybe it was VBS or maybe it was the radio or maybe it was simply a toddler's wondering mind...

He asks, "Mommy, why doesn't God come down here?"

Wow! This is a very deep, theological question! I must answer this one very carefully. So I begin with, "Well, Jesus came down to earth a long time ago. He died and went back to heaven. And He promises to come back again another day. We just don't know when. So, honey, to answer your question...he'll be here soon."

My son, as usual, already had an answer to this question before he ever asked. (Do your kids do that? ~ Ask questions they already know the answer to? Like, "Can I have gum for breakfast?" I get that one a lot btw.) Anyways...

Paying absolutely no attention my intellectual answer (I think he was quiet during my response just to be polite), my son replies to his own question. "He must be sick. Yes. God is sick and has to stay in heaven until he gets better."

Well. Ok then. That's it. God must rest and drink lots of fluids. So, for those of you wondering when Jesus is coming back... According to the theological genius of a four year old, he'll be here when he's feeling a little bit better and wants to come out to play. Aahh, the heart of a child. God never ceases to amaze me.

Our conversation continued until I was informed that God lived on the moon and we couldn't go to visit because we did not have a rocket ship. "Can we get a rocket ship?" Again, with the questions that he already knows the answer to.

It's a new day

Since April 11, 2008, I have been studying "motherhood" during my quiet time with God. Right now I am reviewing all that I have learned over the past few months and focusing on God's promises to me as a mom. Yesterday, I came across an entry that I am feeling led to share with you. This does not reflect my current emotional status, but it is definitely a good reminder to me. My hope is that it will encourage you today, as well. (keep in mind that this is a journal entry and may be a little scattered and disorganized.)...

4-23-08
Today's Verse: Lamentations 3:22 Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is your faithfulness!

God loves me so much. No matter how bad things get, I can start over tomorrow. God has compassion on me even when I screw up. Every morning is a new day to try and get it right.

In order to be more like Christ (which is really my ultimate goal), I need to treat my children in the same way. I will forget what happened yesterday. Each day is a new day for them to try and get it right. I often don't even give them a chance to make good choices because I remind them of their bad choices from yesterday. I will choose to have compassion and begin each day with a clean slate.

On another note...
I will not be consumed!!!
I will not be consumed by loneliness- I have Brandon, Jolene, Jake, Nick, Myann, Mom and God (He's all I really need!!)
I will not be consumed by sadness- I have so much to be thankful for.
I will not be consumed by things to do- I will choose what is better: playing with my kids and spending time with God.

Treasure Hunting

A few months ago, I was running errands with my children, and I was in a hurry (as usual). I had to make a quick stop into the post office. My two oldest were racing ahead of me and my youngest was taking his sweet time about five hundred feet behind me. I kept urging him to "hurry up". He completely ignored me as he sang some silly song and carefully walked over every single crack in the sidewalk. I became rather frustrated when he bent down to look at an ant. At that point, I quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him along side of me. He didn't complain. He just started looking at the shapes in the clouds. An older gentleman noticed my frustration and said, "Don't you rush him. He is enjoying the world and you better let him do it!" As a mother, I immediately became defensive and thought (as I smiled begrudgingly to this man), "Don't tell me what to do with my children. I'm in a hurry. You're retired. You have all day to get your stuff done. I don't have time for this!!"

I will never forget that wise, wise man. He was so right.

On our trip to the beach last week, I practiced what this man taught me. We all slowed down to enjoy our God and all that he has created for us. My youngest son showed us "calapitters" , baby lizards and turquoise jellyfish. We saw the moon every day, even when the sun was up. We got excited over school buses. We went on "adventures" in the pool. And we found treasures along the beach. What a blessing. And how funny that God would use an old man and a little boy to teach me such an important lesson in my life. It is one I've always known was important, but I never really practiced it. What blessings have I missed because I was in a hurry? What treasures does God have for me to find when I choose to stop and look for them?

Even though I can no longer enjoy the lazy days of vacation, I can still make it a point to enjoy my God and all the blessings He wants to give me - everyday. I just have to slow down even when the world is spinning so, so fast. Today, I'm choosing to go on an adventure and find God's treasures!!

Something to think about (and maybe share with the rest of us)...
What treasures has God shown you through your children??

Play Daze

I love vacations.

We are currently in Georgia visiting my parents until we all leave for Florida on Saturday. My husband is untangling the fishing lines right now so Grandpa can take his grandkids up to the fishing pond.

The kids have been swimming every day. I think they could have won a place on the Olympic swim team by now.

I am enjoying just playing with my kids. It's nice to not have the day-to-day responsibilities of being in my own home. Although, it is a challenge for me. I have caught myself on more than one occasion picking up and organizing and cleaning when I should have been playing and relaxing. It is a conscious effort for me to relax.

Today, I was mumbling under my breath at my husband. I was getting everything ready for our trip to the aquarium (snacks, dressing the kids, breakfast~ You know the drill) Anyways, I could overhear him and the kids, "Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, GOOSE!" I was jealous. It is my vacation, too. I want to play with my kids, too. I don't want to have to be doing all of the same old stuff I have to do when I'm at home. I want to play duck, duck, goose! (I am reminded of a previous post. I. I. I.... hhmmmmm) Again I am sidetracked. Sorry.

When everything was done, I went to see to the kids and my husband was not ready, yet. I was a little frustrated because we needed to leave soon. But I decided to be nice and give him some alone time in the bathroom (a rare occurrence in our home). Very soon after his daddy left the room, my youngest son invited me to play a rousing game of duck, duck, goose. And guess what my initial response was?? The first thought to come to my head was, "Duck, duck, goose? I'm tired. I don't want to sit on the floor and then get up and run around. I've been running around all morning. Do I have to play?... STOP!" I caught myself in mid-thought and quickly replied to my patiently waiting son, "Yes. Absolutely. Let's go. You're the first Duckie" What is wrong with me?? Am I destined to complain all the way through my entire life? I want to play with my kids. I don't want to play with my kids. I want to play with them. I don't.

The story of Mary and Martha comes to the front of my memory today. My sweet, sweet husband chose the better thing. He chose to play with his children in the moment when the moment was there whether he needed a shower or not. I chose to do things. My hair and making the beds became more important than my children this morning. Not for long, but still. They weren't my first choice.

I'm on vacation. I have an opportunity to spend my days just playing. I will choose what is better. And I can't wait.

Smiles

I feel like smiling. I am reminded this morning of the purest joy my kids bring into my life. What a blessing.

• Our foster daughter is naturally inclined to be loud. The decibel levels in my home have been raised considerably since she moved in. And her voice is what we lovingly refer to as a "Fran Drescher" voice. Just a simple "Good morning", can peel the paint off your walls. In the beginning I did everything I could to get her to stop talking. I have since grown to love the joyful noise coming out of her little mouth. Yesterday, at the store she discovered a toy parrot. I am sure you can imagine this display of events. She is screeching at this stuffed animal as loud as she can . The parrot is screeching right back and transforming this already loud little girl into a parrot screeching Fran Drescher voice. I looked up expecting to see people covering their ears and running for cover. What I saw instead was a store employee quietly snickering. My initial embarrassment of the situation was immediately melted away and replaced with out right laughter. I couldn't contain myself. Which of course, made things worse. My foster daughter and the parrot got even louder. And I couldn't stop laughing. What a joy. What a precious little child. What a gift from God.

• My youngest son turned four a couple of weeks ago. We walked to the ice cream store after his birthday dinner. The street we walk on is very busy and crazy people drive way too fast down this straight stretch of road. As we were walking back home, hand in hand, Nicky informed me that the Bible says, "Never cross the white line and always walk on the grass." Sounds good to me!!

• And Jake. My sweet, sweet Jake. I told you all yesterday about the note I keep on my dresser. What makes me smile most though, is when I remember the day that he accepted Christ as his Lord and Savior. I was in the kitchen, making his favorite lunch - a circle sandwich with cheese and monaze (mayonnaise has turned into monaze at my house). Jake walked in and said "Um, excuse me?" I replied "Yes?" He looked at me with his nose scrunched up and said, "I wasn't talking to you. I need to tell God something." Oh. Ok. So I just listened, wondering what he just had to say to God. So he continued, "Um. Excuse me, God? I want you to come into my heart. Ok mommy. Are you making me a circle sandwich with cheese and monaze?" That was it. He asked God into his heart and then he wants to eat? I was momentarily stunned. I stood there wondering what had just happened. Then I smiled. From that moment on, my son was a changed boy.

Psalm 126:2-3

Something to think about (and maybe share with the rest of us)

1. What makes you smile?

Me, Me, Me

I was slapped in the face today by my own selfishness. Every morning when I have my quiet time with God, I always ask Him to guide my studies; to open my ears so I can hear His voice. I specifically pray Psalm 25:4-5. And this morning, I was smacked upside the head!!

I am a selfish person by nature. God created us all that way. But, I believe that I am even more selfish than most because I am the baby of my family and I am most undoubtedly spoiled rotten. I am used to having what I want, when I want it. I am used to doing things my way. I even have a husband who is willing to give me anything my heart desires. I am always right and I aways win.

But as a mom I cannot be selfish. I am forced into servanthood. This can be very exhausting for me. It is one of my greatest frustrations of motherhood. Lately, I have discovered that when I get angry or aggravated, it is most often for selfish reasons. For example, when I am trying to do something like pee or shower and I get interrupted. Or I want to eat a hot meal. Or I want all three children to do exactly what I say, when I say it. I want my kids to be perfect little angels. I have places to be and people to see! I want just one good night's sleep. I want! I want! I WANT!!

I was angry yesterday afternoon when I picked up my foster daughter from summer camp. She was misbehaving AGAIN! They wanted to suspend her for another day. She has already been suspended once and picked up early on several occasions due to her behavior and we've only begun the third week. I don't think she's been there more than a combined total of three days since she started. I decided to just pull her from the program. I couldn't stand the thought of another day waiting for my phone to ring with a disgruntled teenage counselor on the other end. When we got home I sent her to her room. She quietly apologized to me for telling her teacher "You're not my boss," and went to her room without saying a word. (note~ my foster daughter is neither quiet nor does she ever stop talking.) She knew she was in trouble!

I was angry and I really wanted to be angry at her. But then I realized why I was so angry. It wasn't because she had misbehaved repeatedly despite my efforts as a mom. It wasn't because she had to be chased on several occasions down the hall by three screaming adults. Our little girl is a good little girl. She is busy and she certainly demands a lot of attention. But she's in foster care. She has issues. She is going to test her boundaries, especially with naive, inexperienced teenagers. To be perfectly honest, I was angry because she had messed up my plans. Summer camp was an opportunity for me to spend some time with two less children. Now I will have two toddlers at home with me until school comes to save me in September. I wanted a break this summer. I wanted time for me. I wanted some time to write this blog without interruption. I wanted. I wanted. I WANTED!!!!

When I really think about it though, what do I really, really want?? What does my selfish heart desire?? A million dollars would be nice. A magic floor that never got dirty would be helpful. Maybe a lock on the bathroom door. I know positively, without a doubt, what I really, really want more than anything in this whole world. And I know I want it because I ask my God for it every night in my children's bedtime prayers. I just want joyful, God-fearing kids. That's it. I want them to love God and know the love of God. If I accomplish this, then my journey through motherhood will have been a success.

I have a note from my oldest son on my dresser. I read it every day as I am getting ready. He wrote it on one of my "bad mommy" days. He wrote it in hopes that he would see his "happy mommy" soon. He wanted me to smile. He wrote "I love you no matr wat!" My son loves me like Christ loves him~ unselfishly and sacrificially. And they both love me when I am good or bad, happy or sad or even angry and self-seeking. I want to be a good mom without my own agenda. I want to be the mom that stops everything to give her children anything. I want to serve my God by serving my kids. I don't want to be selfish anymore.

I called my foster daughter out of her room and gave her hug. Today we went to the movies and had popcorn and soda and candy. We played with the toys at the toy store and laughed at the parrot that repeated everything we said. My dishes are dirty and phone calls are unreturned. I'm clearing my calendar of what I want to do and planning to have a great summer with my little ones.

Something to think about (and maybe share with the rest of us)...
1. What do you really, really want??


Lovin Christ,
Me

P.S. I realize that this blog comes right after one that talks about "me-time". There is a balance. Somewhere. Philippians 2:4