The Karin Manual

Sunday mornings are always difficult for me. Satan really works hard to get me flustered, but this Sunday I had a plan, and it worked!


My kids woke me up extremely early yesterday morning. And for those of you who know me well, you know that I do NOT like being woken up. I was not a happy camper and I was extremely tired. The kids refused to do anything I asked of them. And they pounded me with demands, "I want this. I want that. Get me this ,mommy." I lost it! I had a complete meltdown before 7am. My poor husband panicked and almost walked out the door. He hates it when I get like this and he really doesn't know what to do. Now typically, this type of outburst would have ended with me laying in bed all day or benge eating.


Fortunately, I had a plan in place. I know to expect these kinds of Sunday mornings. They happen to us a lot. satan really wants me to go to church with the wrong attitude or to just not go at all. Many times, he has won this battle. But I was determined to win this Sunday. So about two weeks ago, on day when I was feeling really good, I created "The Karin Manual". I wrote it for my husband for times such as these. I gave it to him when we were both feeling good and could spend some time talking about it all. He liked it so much that he said I should share this on my blog. So here it is.


This little book is still a work in progress. I will most likely add to it and delete things as I grow older and as my life changes. But for now it is about three pages in length and on purple card stock.


It has a list of things that I need on a romantic level...
hugs, flowers, love notes, date night, kissing me in public, holding my hand, and breakfast in bed are just a few examples.


Things that are helpful for my husband to do around the house like dishes, vacuuming, picking up his things, car maintenance, and yard work.

And things he does that are really not so helpful like laundry, leaving chewing gum on the counter or working so hard on things around the house that he doesn't have the time or energy for me.


I've also included lists of things that my kids can do that make me smile like picking up after themselves, celebrating mommy by saying thank you or drawing a picture just for me or giving mommy a few minutes alone.


And finally, a list of what to do when I have a meltdown. Some of the things I put on this list are to just listen to me, hold me, stay with me no matter what I do, give me time, and pray for me.


So on Sunday morning my husband was about to leave. He just didn't know what to do and his way of handling it was to just leave me alone until I calmed down. I ran upstairs and grabbed the manual from his dresser. I flipped to the page about what to do when I cry and I begged him not to leave. He stopped and said, OK. He held me and listened to me and let me cry. In five minutes I was fine and we went about our morning. Because we had prepared, my husband knew exactly what to do to help me out of my pit. He prayed for me and loved me.


Now I know that there are many single moms reading this. You can still write a manual for yourself. It is good for us as women to know what we need. We can keep the manual for ourselves or we could give it to a close friend, family member or even your older children. Have something ready to use during a time of desparation. I encourage you to write a "manual" this week and keep it on hand for when you are feeling the enemy's attack. Be prepared.

Seeking Help

We had a conference meeting for one of my children yesterday. I have been very discouraged at how school was going for this child. It was becoming a very negative experience and I was ready to make some drastic changes. I called some people within the program and voiced my concerns. They put together this meeting within a week. It was a simple round table discussion to get some ideas to make school more successful for my child. There were nine adults in the room coming together for one little girl. I was impressed, and I was very encouraged when I left.

Through this experience, I am reminded to ask for help. So often, as moms, we tend to think we need to be superwoman, that we can do it all ourselves. That is a lie. There are people out there to help us through the tough spots in life. God has created them to be there just for you, to meet your exact needs. We need to seek help when we need it and we need to accept help when it is offered .

If you don't know where to start or what to do to find the help that you or your children may need, there is one place to start. On your knees. Start praying. Ask friends to pray. Listen to God's voice and accept the help whether you think you need it or not.

I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2

Snow Days

Today we got our first snow for the season. Most of it has already melted by mid-morning, but that's OK. My kids get so excited when they see the first snow fall. It is contagious. Our morning was filled with a bit of craziness making sure everyone had coats, gloves, hats and boots. I always love the first part of the winter season.

But then I think about the cabin fever that sets in a few months down the road. It is very subtle and can creep up on me rather quickly. Whether you live in Canada or Florida, you have had those days as a mom. Do you remember a time when you have been stuck in your house, alone, for days, with just you and your kids, for hours on end?? You have played every game there is known to man. You have put together every puzzle. And if you have to watch one more episode of Elmo's World or read one more "Little Bear" story, you are going to scream!!

I have only lived in the northeast for about five years now, so I am still learning how to get through the winters. A couple of years ago, I started a folder with ideas for snow/rainy days. As I come across ideas in magazines, on the Internet or from friends, I write them down and put them in my folder. I want to share some of these ideas with you. Please share some ideas of your own. It's always good to be prepared! (II Timothy 4:2)

• Grab some boxes, blankets and sheets and build a fort.
• Bake some homemade cookies.
• Go on a treasure hunt. I sit on the couch and have my kids bring me one item at a time (something blue, something round, an animal, etc.). Then I have them race to put everything back when we're done.
• Shaving Cream/Redi-Whip mixed with food coloring makes great bathtub paints.
• Make an obstacle course through your house (going up and down stairs is an energy burner:)
• Make a picture collage with magazine cut-outs.
• Homemade instruments (http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/explore/homemademusic.htm )
• Play with shaving cream on the kitchen floor. This cleans my kids and my floor all at the same time.
• Make sock bean bags.
• Make sock puppets.
• Draw pictures and mail them to grandparents.
• Dress up, video tape your kids, then watch it together.
• Balloons (one package of balloons can create hours of fun!!)
• Make robot costumes, trains, astronaut costumes, etc. using old boxes.
• Cooking creations. Take out a few ingredients and let the kids make whatever they want. We like to make "dirty soup" using old spices and water. You can make both edible or pretend food.
• Make homemade playdough( http://www.creativekidsathome.com/activities/activity_8.html ) or slime (cornstarch and water)
• Go to the library.
• Sidewalk chalk in your garage.
• Ice cream in a bag.
• Rice box. (put rice in a large plastic box -I use an old plastic sled- and use it like a sand box in your house)
• Money games- matching money, snack bar, turn your house into a store.
• Make homemade stickers (http://www.crafterstouch.com/projectpage.aspx?projectid=83)
• Have a fun, no washing, bubble bath.
• Hand paint plates (find supplies at any craft store).
• Scavenger hunt
• Turn the music up and dance!!

The fat squirrel

My kids' schools are only about two miles or so from my house. On my way home from dropping them off this morning, I had at least five squirrels run across the road in front of me. One of them was so fat, I didn't think he was going to make it. As the temperature drops, I am sure those squirrels are gathering the last of their nuts to store up for the winter. They are making last minute preparation for the season.



As winter approaches, I find myself doing the same thing. I am closing windows and making sure the doors are draft proof. We store up wood for the stove, rushing out to get one more load to make sure we have enough to last. I get out all of our winter clothes. I make sure that everyone has hats, gloves, coats, boots and snow pants that fit. This year, I am making sure the kids have extra gloves because they will inevitably lose the first pair.



With the holidays coming up, there is yet another reason for me to scurry about like a fat little squirrel. I have already begun my Christmas shopping. I am trying to figure out what goodies I will be making for my neighbors. And where did I put my wrapping paper? Do I need more? Oh goodness, I hope I don't need more!



I have a group of girlfriends that I pray with. One of these ladies has written some devotions for us to work on during the Holidays. They are a constant reminder to me of how I really need to prepare for this time of year. What are the really important things I need to store-up?



When I prepare for winter, I have to look forward to many gloomy and grey days. Depression and cabin fever will almost positively overtake me at some point. How can I prepare? I have Bible verses at hand. I will post them around my home. I have a plan in place consisting of girlfriends, playdates, and a little "me-time". I have "snowed in" activities ready to go when my kids and I are bored. But most of all, I have my quiet time alone with God. His light is the only way for me to beat the winter blues.



When I prepare for the Holidays, I want to remember what I am celebrating. It's not about shopping and eating. Although, those are a fun part of it all. I am going to try my best this year to not let it overtake me. Thanksgiving and Christmas are all about giving. I was challenged by a friend when she asked me for ideas on how to show the love of Christ during these months of festivities. What does my family do to celebrate the real reason for the season? She knows we go to church and read about the birth of Christ. But how are we actually living it out? (I'll have to share my ideas on this one in a seperate blog.)



I just want you to think today about the coming change in our lives. How will you prepare like the squirrels? What are you choosing to "store up" this holiday and winter season? How will you survive?



Again, I want to encourage many of you to share your comments. You are all amazing moms and you all have great ideas. We could use them.

Focus on the Positive

So last week, I was reminded that many times when it comes to disciplining our kids, we need to focus on the positive.

One of my children has become increasingly difficult and every day for her is filled with negativity. So on Thursday I decided that no matter what she did-no matter how bad her behavior- we were going on a date. She was terrible!! All day!!! But I was determined. I had to constantly remind myself that I receive God's blessings even though I don't deserve them. I can't tell you how many times I thought that there was no way I was taking this child anywhere!! But I did. And it was wonderful, for both of us. We went to the play place at the mall and played forever. Then we had ice cream for dessert. It was refreshing to see our sweet little girl again. Now, keep in mind, I made it very clear to her that this date was not because of her behavior. We were on a date simply because I loved her. I told her all night how much I loved her and I gave her kisses and hugs every chance I got. What a difference a positive experience can make. On Friday, we ended up alone again and spent the morning shopping together and then out to a special lunch. Today, she is a different child.

I want to focus our thoughts on the good. I want to list some positive ways we can communicate to our children. This can turn our frustrations to joy. A positive experience can change our attitudes and our children will see that. I bet it will change their behaviors as well.

The first one comes from my sister-in-law. She is the one who inspired me to think happy thoughts. Here is what she said...

"I don't want to sound like I know it all cause I REALLY don't! And every situation is different... every child....everything... but I was struck this morning reading and remembering in Alabama... my kids were 8,6,4 and 1. I was homeschooling... and I too wanted a positive joyful day ... a change from the constant discipline and correction. I started a sticker chart ( it was a simple piece of paper with blank squares... I totally ignored the bad (what I could anyway,which was most!) and reinforced every good thing I saw...." Oh that was so nice of you to treat your sister that way".... "wow you put away your shoes"... "you ate all your lunch" ... "wow you got ready for bed quickly etc"... at first I was really grasping for the good and just had to reward some really tiny good things. But it didn't take long before things made a dramatic change. It was really amazing. I just randomly would say... "M that deserves a sticker"... I was not responsible for putting it on the chart...they were. They were young and honest enough that I just set the box by the charts and they picked one.... and didn't cheat... but not all kids are like that...but the kids really loved it. It made me see what they did right and it really made them want to do it right. I agree we need to teach them God's laws and truth. but in a way we can do that as well with a positive light..."didn't that feel good to do what you were supposed to"... "this pleases God and your mommy"etc, etc....anyway, I told them when their charts were full we would have an ice cream sundae night or go do something fun... like a special trip to the park....anyway, just a something to consider."

So we'll start with...

• Dates (one-on-one time with your child. No errands, no multi-tasking.)
• Sticker charts (no matter all the bad things they are doing, focus on only the positive)
• Pom-Pom jars (put colored cotton pom-poms into a jar, same concept as the stickers)
• At the dinner table say one thing nice about everyone there.
• Stop waiting for a special occasion, make today special! (bake a cake, eat lobster, use your best dishes)
• Have banana splits for breakfast.
• Turn up the music and sing and dance
• Turn off the TV!!! Spend time with your kids reading books or playing games. We like to play hide and go seek in the dark.

If you have an idea, please share it with the rest of us. We could use it!!!

Wisdom and Discipline

So, I am stuck on this topic of discipline. I guess it's because my kids are driving me insane!!! I am really struggling with them obeying and doing basic things that I ask. So, I am re-evaluating how I discipline, because what I am currently doing is obviously not working. This morning I was struck by several scripture references that use the words "wisdom" and "discipline" side-by-side.


Proverbs 1:7
Proverbs 12:1
Proverbs 15:31
Proverbs 23:23
Psalm 105:22 (teaching and discipline)
Psalm 94:12 (teaching and discipline)

When I read these verses, I ask myself, "When I discipline my children, am I teaching them God's laws?" To be perfectly honest, the answer to that is, "no". I am usually just mad. And I am trying to think of appropriate punishments that will make them remember to never ever disobey me again!! (note the "me" and the anger in my response. I'm working on it. Someday I will get it right. That's why this blog is here.)

I am not thinking about what my kids need to learn from their choices. I am not thinking about how God would want them to respond. I am not teaching wisdom. I am going about this whole discipline thing all wrong.

Today when I discipline my children, I will take the time to teach them wisdom from God's Word. Today will be a day filled with joy and not punishment.

Hopefully, I can remember to do this again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next....

God's Discipline

Our God is the perfect Father. Therefore, He is our best example to follow when it comes to disciplining our children. So how does our God discipline? Here's what I found. I encourage you to take the time to look up the scripture references and surrounding verses that speak to you.

• God's discipline sometimes seems harsh and severe, like when He destroyed entire cities and killed people on the spot. But He does this only when His people have continued to sin, continued to turn their backs to Him, continued to not respond/repent to His discipline. (Psalm 39:11; Deuteronomy 4:35&36; Leviticus 26:14)
• God will often offer blessings, rewards and compassion immediately after He disciplines. Some examples include Noah's Ark, the Israelites entering the Promised Land, destroying David's enemies, and answering prayers. (Job 5:17; Psalm 94:12; Leviticus 26:3)
• Sometimes God chooses to hug us and love on us and offer blessings when we really deserve harsh punishment. One example of this is found in the parable of The Lost Son in Luke 15:11-32. And the number one example is Jesus Christ dying for our sins! (Luke 23:41)
• God balances discipline and loving compassion perfectly. (Proverbs 3;12; Proverbs 13:24)
• God disciplines appropriately and fairly, not as a result of uncontrolled emotions. (Deuteronomy 11:2; Jeremiah 30:11)
• God has compassion on those who repent. A good example can be found after Jonah preaches in Ninevah (Jonah 3:10). You can also find God's compassion as Daniel prays for his nation in Daniel 9:1-19.

Something to think about (and maybe share with the rest of us)...

1. How can we us God's example when we discipline our own children?

2. What are some practical examples that you have used?

Life-giving discipline

Discipline is probably one of the most important tasks given to a parent. It is also probably one of the most difficult and most frustrating aspects of motherhood. I have heard so many mom's struggle in this area. Let's stop pretending every day is a joyous occasion and admit that some days just stink. My kids very rarely listen to what I have to say and so often make the wrong choices. I was not given an instruction manual when my kids were born! Or was I? Let's take a look at what Godly discipline looks like. Here are a couple of questions we can start with...

Why should I discipline? Proverbs 3:11 answers that question. "To produce a harvest of righteousness and peace." I want my children to be Godly men and women some day. I choose to discipline my children so that they will follow and obey God in all that do. This is what I ultimately want for my kids, but is this, in reality, why I discipline? No, not really. I most often discipline my kids because they aren't doing what I want them to do. They are making me look or feel bad. Once again, it's all about me. And that is when my earthly discipline fails me. That is when my kids don't get it and they stop listening to me. When I choose discipline that is Godly, that brings about peace and righteousness, then WOW! My kids actually do what they are supposed to do, for the most part. They aren't perfect (Proverbs 22:15).

Now, how should I discipline? We could talk for days on this one. We'll start with Proverbs 15:31. My words should be "life-giving". As many of you know, I am a yeller and I have many struggles with self-control and anger. So this verse is very convicting for me. So often, this is not how I choose to discipline my kids. I get angry and yell and then I see the defeat in my kids' eyes. My words should be life-giving instructions. To use this verse in a practical way, I will send my kids to their room until I have time to calm down. I make a conscious effort not to discipline when I am angry (Psalm 6:1; Psalm 38:1). While I am calming down, I will pray, look for verses to share with my children and ask God for His words. And by golly, it works! My kids are so much more responsive to discipline when God is with me and when I am using life-giving words. I want to be a life-giving mother. I refuse to be a life-drainer.