Play Daze

I love vacations.

We are currently in Georgia visiting my parents until we all leave for Florida on Saturday. My husband is untangling the fishing lines right now so Grandpa can take his grandkids up to the fishing pond.

The kids have been swimming every day. I think they could have won a place on the Olympic swim team by now.

I am enjoying just playing with my kids. It's nice to not have the day-to-day responsibilities of being in my own home. Although, it is a challenge for me. I have caught myself on more than one occasion picking up and organizing and cleaning when I should have been playing and relaxing. It is a conscious effort for me to relax.

Today, I was mumbling under my breath at my husband. I was getting everything ready for our trip to the aquarium (snacks, dressing the kids, breakfast~ You know the drill) Anyways, I could overhear him and the kids, "Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, GOOSE!" I was jealous. It is my vacation, too. I want to play with my kids, too. I don't want to have to be doing all of the same old stuff I have to do when I'm at home. I want to play duck, duck, goose! (I am reminded of a previous post. I. I. I.... hhmmmmm) Again I am sidetracked. Sorry.

When everything was done, I went to see to the kids and my husband was not ready, yet. I was a little frustrated because we needed to leave soon. But I decided to be nice and give him some alone time in the bathroom (a rare occurrence in our home). Very soon after his daddy left the room, my youngest son invited me to play a rousing game of duck, duck, goose. And guess what my initial response was?? The first thought to come to my head was, "Duck, duck, goose? I'm tired. I don't want to sit on the floor and then get up and run around. I've been running around all morning. Do I have to play?... STOP!" I caught myself in mid-thought and quickly replied to my patiently waiting son, "Yes. Absolutely. Let's go. You're the first Duckie" What is wrong with me?? Am I destined to complain all the way through my entire life? I want to play with my kids. I don't want to play with my kids. I want to play with them. I don't.

The story of Mary and Martha comes to the front of my memory today. My sweet, sweet husband chose the better thing. He chose to play with his children in the moment when the moment was there whether he needed a shower or not. I chose to do things. My hair and making the beds became more important than my children this morning. Not for long, but still. They weren't my first choice.

I'm on vacation. I have an opportunity to spend my days just playing. I will choose what is better. And I can't wait.

Smiles

I feel like smiling. I am reminded this morning of the purest joy my kids bring into my life. What a blessing.

• Our foster daughter is naturally inclined to be loud. The decibel levels in my home have been raised considerably since she moved in. And her voice is what we lovingly refer to as a "Fran Drescher" voice. Just a simple "Good morning", can peel the paint off your walls. In the beginning I did everything I could to get her to stop talking. I have since grown to love the joyful noise coming out of her little mouth. Yesterday, at the store she discovered a toy parrot. I am sure you can imagine this display of events. She is screeching at this stuffed animal as loud as she can . The parrot is screeching right back and transforming this already loud little girl into a parrot screeching Fran Drescher voice. I looked up expecting to see people covering their ears and running for cover. What I saw instead was a store employee quietly snickering. My initial embarrassment of the situation was immediately melted away and replaced with out right laughter. I couldn't contain myself. Which of course, made things worse. My foster daughter and the parrot got even louder. And I couldn't stop laughing. What a joy. What a precious little child. What a gift from God.

• My youngest son turned four a couple of weeks ago. We walked to the ice cream store after his birthday dinner. The street we walk on is very busy and crazy people drive way too fast down this straight stretch of road. As we were walking back home, hand in hand, Nicky informed me that the Bible says, "Never cross the white line and always walk on the grass." Sounds good to me!!

• And Jake. My sweet, sweet Jake. I told you all yesterday about the note I keep on my dresser. What makes me smile most though, is when I remember the day that he accepted Christ as his Lord and Savior. I was in the kitchen, making his favorite lunch - a circle sandwich with cheese and monaze (mayonnaise has turned into monaze at my house). Jake walked in and said "Um, excuse me?" I replied "Yes?" He looked at me with his nose scrunched up and said, "I wasn't talking to you. I need to tell God something." Oh. Ok. So I just listened, wondering what he just had to say to God. So he continued, "Um. Excuse me, God? I want you to come into my heart. Ok mommy. Are you making me a circle sandwich with cheese and monaze?" That was it. He asked God into his heart and then he wants to eat? I was momentarily stunned. I stood there wondering what had just happened. Then I smiled. From that moment on, my son was a changed boy.

Psalm 126:2-3

Something to think about (and maybe share with the rest of us)

1. What makes you smile?

Me, Me, Me

I was slapped in the face today by my own selfishness. Every morning when I have my quiet time with God, I always ask Him to guide my studies; to open my ears so I can hear His voice. I specifically pray Psalm 25:4-5. And this morning, I was smacked upside the head!!

I am a selfish person by nature. God created us all that way. But, I believe that I am even more selfish than most because I am the baby of my family and I am most undoubtedly spoiled rotten. I am used to having what I want, when I want it. I am used to doing things my way. I even have a husband who is willing to give me anything my heart desires. I am always right and I aways win.

But as a mom I cannot be selfish. I am forced into servanthood. This can be very exhausting for me. It is one of my greatest frustrations of motherhood. Lately, I have discovered that when I get angry or aggravated, it is most often for selfish reasons. For example, when I am trying to do something like pee or shower and I get interrupted. Or I want to eat a hot meal. Or I want all three children to do exactly what I say, when I say it. I want my kids to be perfect little angels. I have places to be and people to see! I want just one good night's sleep. I want! I want! I WANT!!

I was angry yesterday afternoon when I picked up my foster daughter from summer camp. She was misbehaving AGAIN! They wanted to suspend her for another day. She has already been suspended once and picked up early on several occasions due to her behavior and we've only begun the third week. I don't think she's been there more than a combined total of three days since she started. I decided to just pull her from the program. I couldn't stand the thought of another day waiting for my phone to ring with a disgruntled teenage counselor on the other end. When we got home I sent her to her room. She quietly apologized to me for telling her teacher "You're not my boss," and went to her room without saying a word. (note~ my foster daughter is neither quiet nor does she ever stop talking.) She knew she was in trouble!

I was angry and I really wanted to be angry at her. But then I realized why I was so angry. It wasn't because she had misbehaved repeatedly despite my efforts as a mom. It wasn't because she had to be chased on several occasions down the hall by three screaming adults. Our little girl is a good little girl. She is busy and she certainly demands a lot of attention. But she's in foster care. She has issues. She is going to test her boundaries, especially with naive, inexperienced teenagers. To be perfectly honest, I was angry because she had messed up my plans. Summer camp was an opportunity for me to spend some time with two less children. Now I will have two toddlers at home with me until school comes to save me in September. I wanted a break this summer. I wanted time for me. I wanted some time to write this blog without interruption. I wanted. I wanted. I WANTED!!!!

When I really think about it though, what do I really, really want?? What does my selfish heart desire?? A million dollars would be nice. A magic floor that never got dirty would be helpful. Maybe a lock on the bathroom door. I know positively, without a doubt, what I really, really want more than anything in this whole world. And I know I want it because I ask my God for it every night in my children's bedtime prayers. I just want joyful, God-fearing kids. That's it. I want them to love God and know the love of God. If I accomplish this, then my journey through motherhood will have been a success.

I have a note from my oldest son on my dresser. I read it every day as I am getting ready. He wrote it on one of my "bad mommy" days. He wrote it in hopes that he would see his "happy mommy" soon. He wanted me to smile. He wrote "I love you no matr wat!" My son loves me like Christ loves him~ unselfishly and sacrificially. And they both love me when I am good or bad, happy or sad or even angry and self-seeking. I want to be a good mom without my own agenda. I want to be the mom that stops everything to give her children anything. I want to serve my God by serving my kids. I don't want to be selfish anymore.

I called my foster daughter out of her room and gave her hug. Today we went to the movies and had popcorn and soda and candy. We played with the toys at the toy store and laughed at the parrot that repeated everything we said. My dishes are dirty and phone calls are unreturned. I'm clearing my calendar of what I want to do and planning to have a great summer with my little ones.

Something to think about (and maybe share with the rest of us)...
1. What do you really, really want??


Lovin Christ,
Me

P.S. I realize that this blog comes right after one that talks about "me-time". There is a balance. Somewhere. Philippians 2:4

Rest

Today, I began a blog on a completely different topic. But my mind kept wandering and I could not maintain focus on any single topic. Then I heard that still, small voice in the back of my head, "Karin, you need to rest." I have been going non-stop for weeks now, trying to keep up with my house and kids. Trying to make everyone in my life happy. I'm tired. I need a nap.

My kids are at an age where the word "nap" is a curse word never to be uttered aloud. So I have been teaching them that even God rested. Yes, even our big, hard-working God has taken a break. He rested after creating our world. We, as human beings, need to rest in the same capacity. Our earthly bodies are designed for it. God's job was not done on the seventh day, in fact it was just beginning. Yet, he chose to rest. My to-do lists will never end. I have never had an empty list. Have you? So what am I waiting for? And why am I writing this blog? I'm taking a break today ~ even if it's only to have a cup of tea or close my eyes for ten minutes.
Hebrews 4:10

Something to think about (and maybe share with the rest of us)...
1. How do you "rest"?
2. Do you have regular periods of rest?
3. If so, please share with us how you fit this into your schedule as a mom? I'd really like to know!

The Women In Our Lives

Today is a much better day.

• My kids are behaving (for the most part).


• I went to spin class this morning and Sara successfully turned my legs into jello. Feels good!!


• I had a beautiful quiet time this morning reviewing the promises that God has made to me. He is so good!!


• And I played today. No agenda, just played.

Psalm 116:1

P.S. Thanks to all who reached out through calls, e-mails, comments, and prayers. Your encouragement is much needed and appreciated. But please don't be alarmed when you see that I'm having a rough time. I feel that this blog needs to be truthful. And as you well know, motherhood isn't all about happy, feel good days . I could make a joke about my day and laugh, or I could flat out lie and tell you everything is great, but that's not how I feel all the time. So here it is- the truth unedited. If it wasn't for the support of my friends and sisters in Christ I wouldn't be here today. Thanks girls!

Here is an e-mail sent to me many years ago...
"TO THE WONDERFUL WOMEN IN MY CIRCLE,
When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend, and then I started to become a woman. And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up, God would show you the best in many friends. One friend's best is needed when you're going through things with your children. Another friend's best is needed when you're going through things with your Mom. Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be. One friend will say let's pray together, another let's play together, another let's cry together, another let's fight together, another let's walk away together. One friend will meet your spiritual need, another your shoe fetish, another your love for movies, another will be with you in your season of confusion, another will be your clarifier, another the wind beneath your wings. But whatever their assignment in your life, on whatever the occasion, on whatever the day, or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself... those are your friends that will be there. It may all be wrapped up in one woman, but for many it's wrapped up in several... one from 7th grade, one from high school, several from the college years, a couple from old jobs, several from church, on some days your mother, on others your sisters or sisters-in-law or daughters or granddaughters, and on some days it's the one that you needed just for that day or week that you needed someone with a fresh perspective, or the one who didn't know all your baggage, or the one who would just listen without judging... those are good girlfriends/best friends. I thank my girlfriends, those who honor intimacy, those who hold trust, and those who hold me up when life is just too heavy! The special bond we share is unique. Thanks for the words we've shared. The prayers we've sent up. The laughs, the tears, the phone calls, the emails, the shopping, the movies, the lunches, the dinners, the talking, talking, talking and the listening, listening, listening.... So whether you've been there 20 minutes or 20 years, thank you for being there! "


Love ya sisters!

Something to think about (and maybe share with the rest of us)...
1. What is the greatest thing another woman has ever done for you?
2. How can you encourage another mom today?
3. DO IT!!!

Sad Mom

Today I am a sad mom. Depression is a constant battle for me. Medication would probably help, but since I don't feel sad like this every day, I really don't want to take drugs every day. I do have a plan in place for these days, though. I don't just try to tough it out alone.




First and foremost, I spend time with my heavenly father. I make sure that first thing in the morning I am alone with Him. I put in a movie for my kids or pass them to a friend for an hour. I pray, pouring out my heart and every feeling that I have. I do not hold back during these times.



I read the Psalms. David also struggled with depression and I often have my feelings verified through these scriptures. I underline favorite verses so that they stand out during times of sorrow. And David always turns his sadness into praise, which in turn causes me to shift my focus from my own personal sadness to the blessings that God has given me.



I turn on good, upbeat Christian music and I sing out loud. Since I have no real musical talent, I try to do this in private. My kids enjoy my singing, but most adults with ears do not.



I exercise. There is just something about exercise. We have a love-hate relationship. I hate doing it, but I love how I feel afterwards. There is definitely a difference in my attitude on days that I find time to run or spin.



I have a little "me-time". This is usually held in the bathroom, behind a locked door with the shower running. It's the only way I can get away. My kids are now old enough that they don't usually bother me while I am in the shower (note - I said "usually"). Me-time doesn't have to be much more than 15 minutes.



So today, although my body is tired and my heart is sad, I will rejoice. I will choose joy today.

Lamentations 3:20-23 keeps running through my head.

Something to think about (and maybe share with the rest of us)...
1. What is your favorite song to listen to when you are feeling down?

2. What will you do during your "me-time"?

I am a mom

I am a mom. Some days I am a good mom. Some days I am a bad mom. Some days I am a happy mom. Often I am a sad mom. No matter where I go or what I do... I am and always will be a mom.

Motherhood does not come naturally to me. Many little girls grow up playing "house" and having tea parties with their dolls. Not me. I grew up building forts and playing war in the woods with my big brother and the neighborhood kids. I never took dance class. I never did gymnastics. I climbed trees and played baseball.

I always knew that I wanted children and I always assumed that motherhood was a natural concept for all females. I was wrong. I used to tell people that I did not like being a mom. That was not entirely true. I love my kids and I really do love being a mom. It's just that being a mom is very difficult for me. And yet, here I am ~ a mother to three children (four, if you count the one I married). Of course, our almighty God who is in control of every aspect of my life could have chosen to give me quiet and obedient children. But no. He has chosen to send me to the brink of insanity with what kind-hearted people like to call "active" children. They don't stop moving. They don't stop talking. They don't stop!!! Whose idea was it to have kids anyways??? Oh yeah, mine.

In April 2008, I realized that God wanted me to really focus on being a mom- to stop doubting myself and struggling with my inability to properly mother my children. I have great role models that I look to, like my own mom and big sister. But I also have a manual on motherhood that I have never even looked at - the Bible. So here begins my quest through motherhood. What exactly is a mom anyways? What does God say about moms? What does a "good" mom look like? How can I find joy in a job that is so difficult for me??

I pray that this journey will encourage and inspire you along the way. Motherhood is such a precious gift, and I want to enjoy every second of it!!! How about you?


Psalm 25:4-5
(I will often post scripture references without the verse written out. I hope this will encourage you to open your Bible and listen to God's voice as He speaks to you through His Word.)


Something to think about (and maybe share with the rest of us)...
1. What do you hope to accomplish as a mother?
2. What does the "world" tell us about moms (in the news, media, movies, etc.)?
3. Is there a special scripture that you cling to as a mother?

Lovin Christ so I can better love my babies,
Karin