One of my children has become increasingly difficult and every day for her is filled with negativity. So on Thursday I decided that no matter what she did-no matter how bad her behavior- we were going on a date. She was terrible!! All day!!! But I was determined. I had to constantly remind myself that I receive God's blessings even though I don't deserve them. I can't tell you how many times I thought that there was no way I was taking this child anywhere!! But I did. And it was wonderful, for both of us. We went to the play place at the mall and played forever. Then we had ice cream for dessert. It was refreshing to see our sweet little girl again. Now, keep in mind, I made it very clear to her that this date was not because of her behavior. We were on a date simply because I loved her. I told her all night how much I loved her and I gave her kisses and hugs every chance I got. What a difference a positive experience can make. On Friday, we ended up alone again and spent the morning shopping together and then out to a special lunch. Today, she is a different child.
I want to focus our thoughts on the good. I want to list some positive ways we can communicate to our children. This can turn our frustrations to joy. A positive experience can change our attitudes and our children will see that. I bet it will change their behaviors as well.
The first one comes from my sister-in-law. She is the one who inspired me to think happy thoughts. Here is what she said...
"I don't want to sound like I know it all cause I REALLY don't! And every situation is different... every child....everything... but I was struck this morning reading and remembering in Alabama... my kids were 8,6,4 and 1. I was homeschooling... and I too wanted a positive joyful day ... a change from the constant discipline and correction. I started a sticker chart ( it was a simple piece of paper with blank squares... I totally ignored the bad (what I could anyway,which was most!) and reinforced every good thing I saw...." Oh that was so nice of you to treat your sister that way".... "wow you put away your shoes"... "you ate all your lunch" ... "wow you got ready for bed quickly etc"... at first I was really grasping for the good and just had to reward some really tiny good things. But it didn't take long before things made a dramatic change. It was really amazing. I just randomly would say... "M that deserves a sticker"... I was not responsible for putting it on the chart...they were. They were young and honest enough that I just set the box by the charts and they picked one.... and didn't cheat... but not all kids are like that...but the kids really loved it. It made me see what they did right and it really made them want to do it right. I agree we need to teach them God's laws and truth. but in a way we can do that as well with a positive light..."didn't that feel good to do what you were supposed to"... "this pleases God and your mommy"etc, etc....anyway, I told them when their charts were full we would have an ice cream sundae night or go do something fun... like a special trip to the park....anyway, just a something to consider."
So we'll start with...
- Dates (one-on-one time with your child. No errands, no multi-tasking.)
- Sticker charts (no matter all the bad things they are doing, focus on only the positive)
- Pom-Pom jars (put colored cotton pom-poms into a jar, same concept as the stickers)
- At the dinner table say one thing nice about everyone there.
- Stop waiting for a special occasion, make today special! (bake a cake, eat lobster, use your best dishes)
- Have banana splits for breakfast.
- Turn up the music and sing and dance
- Turn off the TV!!! Spend time with your kids reading books or playing games. We like to play hide and go seek in the dark.
If you have an idea, please share it with the rest of us. We could use it!!!
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